FORBIDDEN FRUIT

by Songbyrd

©2002  

It was hot, always was in August.   The air was motionless, no breeze, nothing, it just hung there, stale and stifling.  The streets of the small suburban neighborhood  were pretty much deserted. The houses here were clean and picturesque, fresh paint, fences in regular repair, the lawns mowed consistently,  the flowers bloomed brightly. It was a family place. Anyone around here with a lick of sense was home trying to keep cool, usually without success.

Bud drove through this neighborhood every night.  It was a quiet type of torture, the longing for what he never had.  The longing for what he would never have.  It was houses like these where good people lived, people that knew how to live right, live clean.  It wasn’t a place for him, but still he drove through here.  He saw children running and jumping in the refreshing water of a sprinkler, laughing with glee, shaking their heads to splash water on their friends.  No worries here, their contentment displayed in carefree abandon.  They weren’t rich. Not in money anyway.  But they were rich in ways that transcended money.  It was an inner goodness, you had to be born with it.  Bud wasn’t.

Bud envied those children.  He had spent his childhood in fear. Fear that his drunken father would kill him, but worse than that was the fear he’d had for his mother.  Then it was one foster home after another.  The foster parents were no better.  They just wanted the money, so they put up with him, he recalled sleeping on cots, shoved in closets with bare mattresses, couches, even just floors.  Moving to a different home every time he got in a fight. He had always figured that some were just born to be right and clean and others, well he was one of the others. 

There wasn’t anything out there for him but his work.  Police work. It made no sense that he had chosen this line of work, considering the upbringing he’d had,  or hadn’t had depending on your viewpoint.  But the reform camp where they sent him had been an experience.  He noticed with interest the policeman that had arrested him and he wanted to be like him.  The man had even visited him while he was there.  John Packer had been his name.  He was part of the reason Bud had chosen police work.  The other was that he could maybe do a little something good.  He never thought of himself as good, he was no where near. Never would be.  But the work was good.  He liked helping people, women mostly.  Women like his mother. 

Summer was difficult for cops in the LA area because of the heat, people drank too much, tempers flared and people fought more over practically nothing.  They fought about everything and nothing, it was still the home of Hollywood. That is what everybody talked about, it was where so many worked, for and around the movies and now, television, a new way for people to long for what they didn’t have.  Bud didn’t care for either, it was just something else he didn’t fit into. 

When he thought of the movies, he thought of Lynn and he just wouldn’t allow himself to think about her, what was the point?  It had been a year since he had seen her and still he couldn’t think of her without an ache in his heart.  He knew from the start that it wouldn’t work with her, he didn’t deserve her. He had just been kidding himself.  She was too good for him.  In spite of what she did for a living when he met her, he had always thought of her as a lady, with class and style.  What Lynn saw in him he never understood. But it was over and that was that!  Coming back to LA had been the right decision, Ed Exley had welcomed him back to LAPD with no questions about Lynn. He had even given Bud a promotion to Lieutenant upon his return, Detective Lieutenant, Ed’s old job.  Ed was one of those born right.  He was newly married and they were expecting their first child at the end of the year.  He had a home like the ones Bud saw before him.  He liked Ed.  Granted, they had both changed since their early days in Hollywood Precinct, but Ed was one of those guys that when he decided to make you his friend, that was it.  Bud was grateful that he had been able to forgive Ed when he asked.  Forgiveness was something that did not come easy to Bud.  But Ed was different.  Bud didn’t know why, but he was.

He continued to drive.  He saw the flashing lights behind him and pulled over, he was in his own vehicle so he had no lights or siren. They passed him and turned on the next street.  He decided to check it out.  What were they doing in a neighborhood like this? Nothing ever happened here.  He saw the car stopped in front of a nice yellow house with white shutters, manicured lawn and nice sedan in the drive.  He pulled up and got out, walked over to the prowler and flashed his ID.  Then they heard the screaming, they rushed the front door just in time to see a small framed woman hit the wall.  Bud immediately went for the guy, picked him up and slammed him against the same wall. “You fucking son of a bitch.  What the fuck do you think you are doing?” The patrolmen assisted and subdued him, they took him outside to cool off.  Bud immediately went to the woman, she was just lying there crying, her face in her hands on the floor with her dark hair in unpinned disarray covering her face.  Bud knelt down,

“Ma’am, are you okay?  Do I need to call an ambulance?” He asked. The crying slowed and he heard her trying to catch her breath.  He reached and very gently touched her shoulder. She reached to pull the hair away and raised her head to look at him.

“No, I am alright.” She looked directly at him. “Thank You.”

Bud felt his breath leave him, before him were two of the most luminous brown eyes he had ever seen, they were so dark they were almost black and framed by long dark lashes, a perfectly shaped nose and full lips.  She was beautiful, and young.  She was dressed in a pale sundress, very modest but pretty. Bud pulled back as he offered her his hand and helped her up, she winced as she stood. She rubbed her back. Bud’s voice was soft with concern.  “Are you sure you’re okay, you hit the wall pretty hard. I could get you some ice.” What was a beautiful woman like this doing with that old geezer?  He had to be at least 20 years older than her.

“I will be fine in a minute.” She moved slowly to the couch to sit down.  “I always am.” At her words he flinched.

Bud sat down on the table across from her, took out his pad to write down her side of the story.  He knew what he was going to get from her, but still he asked. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” His voice was soft as he continued, “He has done this before?”

“Nothing to tell really, he had a few too many beers and I didn’t have dinner on the table when he got home. That always upsets him.  It has been so hot and I fell asleep on the patio and didn’t get things done quick enough. That’s all. I just need to be more timely.” She explained. Her face was devoid of feeling. Her voice had no inflection at all, it was like she was reciting a practiced litany.

Bud felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up, it never ceased to amaze him how these women could take abuse from their husbands and then justify it by taking responsibility for it. Why did women put up with this shit? He would never understand it.

“What’s your name?” He asked. His voice betraying his irritation at her explanation.

“Abigail Wentworth, but I go by Abby.  My husband’s name is Charles. He didn’t mean it you know, he is a good man.” She tried to explain, it sounded hollow to Bud’s ears.

“They always are ma’am.  We will take him down to the precinct and book him.”

“What do you mean?  It wasn’t his fault, I told you.” She looked panicked at the idea of them taking him away.

“He will be booked on a charge of 3^rd degree assault.” Bud explained.

“But I told you he didn’t mean it.”

“Why would you want the person who threw you against the wall in the same house with you?” Bud asked, his voice raised far more than it should have been.

“This is his home.  He lives here. He is entitled to have his dinner ready and on the table when he gets home.” She clearly did not understand. Bud just shook his head in disbelief, didn’t she know that she didn’t have to live like this? Evidently not!

“That may be ma'am, that does not give him the right to beat you when it doesn’t happen. What do you think would have happened if we hadn’t come along when we did? He could have killed you.”  He stated it as plainly as he could.

“Oh he would have been sorry, he always is.  He just doesn’t know his own strength. He is probably fine now. You’ll see. You are very kind to be concerned though.”  She smiled. 

Bud just couldn’t be irritated at her.  She was so lovely and innocent, she truly believed that this was her fault.  Didn’t that asshole see what he had here?  This woman was a vision.  Bud  felt cleaner just by looking at her.  What would it be like to go to bed at night knowing something this beautiful was sleeping next to you? Bud had no idea. 

“I am just doing my job ma’am.”

“Oh please,  you make me feel old by calling me ma’am. My name is Abby.”

“We will be taking him to North Precinct for booking.” Bud stood up to leave. She followed him to the door.  Bud went outside, it was still hot.  Why had he not noticed it in the house?  He watched her as she watched the patrolmen put her husband in the back of the squad car.  She made no move to stop them. He thought he saw a look of relief on her face, but only for a second, then it was gone.  He turned to her, “Here is my card, if you ever need help. Just call.”  What was he doing? He hardly ever gave out his card. He thought that cops having business cards was ludicrous. It was something the chief had suggested, The New LAPD. The sweat was forming across his brow and could feel it coursing down the side of his face. His shirt was stuck to his back. Fuck, it was hot.

She took the card and looked at it. “Thank you Lt. White.” She smiled at him and closed the door. She didn’t even ask when her husband would be home. Maybe there was hope for her after all.  Bud got in his car and drove away.

His apartment was like an oven, he stripped down to his skivvies and poured the cold water that he kept in the fridge into a large glass. Drank it down, then poured some more.  Water was all he ever drank, sometimes ice tea if he took the time to make it.  He never drank alcohol.  It did something he didn’t like, it pulled him out of control.  He liked being in control, now more than ever.  He opened all the windows and turned on the small fan he had in one of the windows.  His apartment was small, one bedroom, small kitchen with a table and 2 chairs. The living room had a couch that had seen better days and a chair with one small coffee table. No frills, he was hardly ever there anyway. It was all he needed.  He sat in one of the chairs and thought about the day. 

He tossed and turned in the heat that night, he was used to not sleeping.  There had been only a short time that he had actually slept, with Lynn before and after his recovery.  Then when she went away, the security of her in his arms was gone and his sleep went with her.  But this night was different, it wasn’t Lynn’s blue eyes that haunted him, but dark brown ones with dark lashes.  He remembered her scent, it was soft and floral.  Very clean.  She was sweet and clean.  That seemed to be only word he used these days for those who lived right, clean. He wasn’t.

****************

Bud was sitting at his desk reviewing paper work when he looked up to see those beautiful brown eyes looking down at him. His face betrayed his surprise at seeing Abigail Wentworth standing before him.  Her dress was  pale pink with little flowers. She wore white gloves and carried a shoe box in her hand. She was like a breath of fresh air.

“I am sorry to disturb you.  It is obvious you are very busy.” She apologized.

“I am not that busy, just  paperwork.” He stood up and pulled out a chair for her to sit down. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh yes, things are fine.  I just wanted you to know how much I appreciated your concern the other evening.  So I baked you some cookies. I hope you don’t mind.”  She set the box on the edge of his already over flowing desk.

“It wasn’t necessary I assure you.  I was just doing my job.”  He reached for the box, he couldn’t believe it.  She made him cookies. That was a first. He  bit into one, oatmeal with raisins. “Thank you.  Can’t remember the last time I had homemade cookies.” He was unsure what to say next. He just looked at her.  She was a picture.  No cosmetics on her face.  Her hair pulled back and held in place by a single pink ribbon.  She looked out of place in the police station. She sat there in the chair with her hands folded over her small white handbag. He felt his heartbeat skip. He stood again as she rose to leave.

“Well, I must be going.  I just wanted to thank you again for your help.” Then she was gone.  He watched as she walked away. Her feet moved gracefully across the linoleum floor.  There was nothing seductive in her walk, just a smooth glide across the floor.

He went back to his desk, grabbed another cookie and picked up the phone and dialed the number for dispatch. He told them if any calls came in for the home of Charles and Abigail Wentworth on Lotus Drive to notify him immediately, even if he was gone for the day and they had to call him at home. They took the information and that was that. Why had he done that? He was an idiot.  He just felt he had to protect her from that brut of a husband of hers. Wasn’t that what the City Of Los Angeles was paying him to do?  The asshole had only stayed in jail overnight. Then he was home. It had been 5 days since then.

“Hey,  do you want to eat lunch out today?” Bud looked up to see Ed Exley leaning on the door jamb. He was smiling, sunlight glinting off of the lenses of his glasses.  “Are those cookies I see on your desk?  Where on earth did you get those?” Bud explained where they came from as he offered his friend one from the box.  Ed’s eyebrows rose but he said nothing as he bit into the soft chewy cookie. He moaned, “Jesus, these are great. Can you call her and have her give lessons in baking to Katie.”  Bud had to laugh.  Ed adored his young bride but it was a common joke around the precinct that baking was not her strong suit.  Every time she brought baked goods to the precinct they usually went straight into the waste bin.  The cookies were hard as rocks. She could cook, but not bake.  She had informed her husband there was a difference.

The two of them went to the diner down the street. Bud had his usual BLT and Ed his usual pastrami on rye. They were predictable, they ate lunch together often. Neither of them were aware of the female eyes they attracted when they were at the diner. Both men were handsome and sexy. Ed’s clean cut look to the opposite of Bud’s quiet mystery.  All the waitresses would draw straws to see who would get to wait on them.

Ed knew Bud had no one in his life and needed the connection of someone familiar.  He was sure he hadn’t made friends with any of the detectives in his section. He didn’t have any idea what had happened with Lynn and was a little afraid to ask.  He had thought they were so well suited for each other. He himself had almost totally fucked things up between them.  He would always regret that.  He was shocked when Bud had called almost a year ago asking if there were any detective positions open.  He was glad to have him.  After everything they had been through, it surprised Ed himself that they ended up such good friends.  He had tried to fix him up with a friend of Katie’s but Bud declined.  Ed wasn’t sure if Bud was ready for a relationship.  He wished for Bud the happiness that he himself had found, Bud deserved it.  He was a good man and a superior police officer. But most of that was up to Bud.  

The end of the week the temperature soared into the high 90’s and the calls skyrocketed to the police.  People were fighting everywhere, Bud kept more men on just for that reason.  He stayed himself, he always worked more than the standard 40 hrs per week.  He didn’t have anything else in his life and he liked to keep busy. His shirt was soaked through and the fans were working as much overtime as the men.  He was wiping the perspiration from his brow for the umpteenth time when the call came in, dispatch, there was a call from a neighbor stating that there was screaming from a woman at the location on Lotus Drive belonging to Charles Wentworth.  Bud grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. Jesus, that fucking asshole was at it again!

The patrol units were already there when he arrived.  He rushed up into the house to find Abby laying still on the floor, no crying. There was a small pool of blood on the floor by her face. Completely still. Jesus! Had he killed her this time?  He felt a sense of dread fill him.  He leaned over her and felt for a pulse on her neck, she was warm and soft to the touch.  A nice steady  beat.  He blew a breath of relief.  He knew better than to touch her in case she had some injury he couldn’t see.  He stood and turned to see her husband just standing there with a defiant look of satisfaction on his face.  Bud saw red!

“YOU!! You are so proud of yourself aren’t you, mother-fucker.” Bud sneered. “Try beating on someone your own size or are too much of a pussy for that?” Then before the guy could see it coming, Bud balled up his fist and gut punched him, he doubled over and Bud  struck him again. Then he took a right to the guys jaw, the patrolmen finally pulled him off. “Get him the fuck out of here, book him on 1^st degree assault, attempted murder.”  The men complied. He heard the siren for the ambulance.

Bud sat in the hospital room next to the bed where she was sleeping.  He had been there all night.  He didn’t have to stay, it was his choice.  He had looked all over the house for a phone number of someone to call and had found nothing. He had asked around and the neighbors didn’t know them at all, they had only been in the house for a couple of months.  They had kept to themselves, but the yelling had been a common occurrence.  Something wasn’t right here, he felt it in his gut.  Then he heard a stirring from the bed. He stood up and leaned over her. He stroked the hair from her face. She was so pale and he could see the bruises that had formed overnight.  The doctor had said that she had a slight concussion and some cuts and bruises, but that she would be fine. They did say that she had evidence of previous bruising, healing in various stages on different parts of her body, mostly the abdomen. They were just keeping her for observation since she had no one to watch her at home.  She groaned and Bud saw her lashes flutter open. He removed his hand. She looked right at him and smiled.

“You,” it was all she could get out. It sounded like a croak. She closed her eyes and relaxed against the softness of the pillows. It was an hour later when she awoke, Bud was dozing in the chair.  She turned her head and smiled at him sitting there with his head down, a slight snore came from him. He opened his eyes. They bore into hers.

“You’re awake?” He asked. “How do you feel?” His voice was soft and he moved to the side of the bed.  She tried to move but winced in pain.

“I feel like I have been hit by a truck.” She whispered. “I think I should thank you yet again. It appears you were right, he did try to kill me.”  He saw her face contort and her eyes well up with tears, they spilled over and coursed down her cheeks, he reached for a tissue and brushed them aside. Her voice was soft as she explained. They had moved here from Bakersfield for a new job opportunity.  They had wanted a fresh start.  Charles had promised that he would stop drinking and they could start a family.  But he had lost the job and the drinking had started again, and with it the violence. It seemed to be a circle they couldn’t escape.

“He is going to jail this time. You know that don’t you?” Bud told her, his voice deep and soft, her only response was a nod of assent.

“How long will he be gone?” Her voice was so quiet Bud had to strain to hear her.

“It is hard to say, it depends on if we can make a charge of attempted murder stick or if he manages to plea bargain to something smaller. Did he say anything to you to indicate that he intended to kill you?” 

“Oh he was screaming something about shutting me up.  I never understood that because I don’t say anything when he starts yelling.  There is no point.  I don’t remember very well.  All I remember is his hand across my face and him kicking me after I fell to the floor. I know this sounds awful of me, but he isn’t always like this.  Some days are nice, with him talking after dinner while I do the dishes. We have a pleasant life when he doesn’t drink.” Her voice was soft.

“You do know that you don’t have to live this way?” Bud asked.

Her voice bore into his “What other way is there? I don’t know what I am going to do now.” She asked, her voice soft with question.

“You deserve better than this. Don’t you realize that?”

“Says who? Who are you to know what I do or do not deserve?” She started crying again.

Bud had said the wrong thing.  He sat next to her on the bed and looked down at her. He tried to think of the right thing to say and couldn’t come up with a thing.  She was right, who was he to judge anybody?  He didn’t know why he thought she deserved better, but he did.

“I am sorry that I upset you, I didn’t mean to.  I just believe that all women are entitled to live in a home free from violence.  Don’t you think so?”  He spoke as quietly as he could.

Abby said nothing and leaned back into the pillows and turned her head away from him.  He saw that as his cue to leave.  He went to the precinct to fill out the paperwork.  Before that he intended to pay Charles Wentworth a little visit in the precinct lock-up. Bud was convinced more than ever that he had to find a way to see that Charles Wentworth did some serious time for what he had done.  The sheet on him from Bakersfield was as long as his arm.  All assaults arising from a family dispute.  Up until now he had served no time, why? He had no clue. 

What an asshole he was.  Bud had spent 5 minutes with him and then had to leave because he was ready to kill the son-of-a-bitch.  The slimy mother-fucker beat her because she wouldn’t blow him when he wanted.  This was his wife for Christ sake, not some two bit whore off the street. Bud didn’t understand men who couldn’t see a good thing when they had it.

24 months, that was all.  It was better than nothing.  Bud had hoped for more, but it would keep her safe for a short time anyway.  He was looking at the paperwork on his desk regarding the dispensation of Charles Wentworth.  Abby had been released and was recovering from her injuries.  Bud had called her and she was weak but still feeling better.  He made a mental note to stop by and check on her the next day.  He would just stay a minute to make sure she had everything she needed.

Bud knocked but there was no answer, he checked the door. Unlocked. He opened it and gazed into the interior. It was dusk so the fading light cast a reflective glow over the room as he stepped inside, he felt uneasy. The house was so still. The temperature had broken the day before and it was in the low 80’s making everything in LA a little more bearable but there was something about this place, it had an eerie cool about it. He pulled his gun from the holster and looked around  gun first, that was the first thing he learned about being a cop, go with your hunches and never look where the gun isn’t pointed. Nothing in the house had changed since that night. The magazines were still on the floor and the lampshade was askew. There was a small patch of blood on the carpet, Abby’s. It had an spooky feel about it.  Where was Abby? He walked carefully through each room, living room, dining room, kitchen, bathroom and  no sign of anyone. Everything was so quiet. He hesitated at what must be a bedroom, the door was ajar.  He slowly pushed the door open, there she was, asleep on the bed. She was on her back, reclined on top of the covers with one leg bent for comfort, one arm over her head and the other across her abdomen.  All she wore was a thin nightgown that hugged her curves and clung to every inch of her body, the fading sunlight filtered through the gown where her leg was raised showing the outline of her thigh all the way up to her hip. Her beautiful dark hair was in wild disarray across the pillow. Her lips were open just slightly and he could hear her even breathing. She was so pale in the light of the evening, Bud swallowed. He knew he should leave but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the picture she painted. There was just something  about her. He backed out of the room, holstered his gun and leaned against the wall, trying to quell the racing of his heart, the blood was pumping through his veins like a freight train . He had a hard on like the rock of Gibraltar and he could barely breath. He hadn’t had this reaction to a woman since Lynn. He had to get out of there, his feet didn’t seem to want to move.  After at least 30 minutes, he walked to the kitchen counter and left a note that he had stopped by and that she should try to remember to lock her front door. He checked the back door, made sure it was locked. He left another business card and told her to call if she needed anything. 

Bud hadn’t hardly slept a wink for thinking about her.  The hard on had just gotten harder and harder the more he thought about her.  Even after he grabbed his rock hard cock in his hand and jerked himself off in frustration he hadn’t been able to sleep. He came in this morning in a terrible mood, snapped at everyone and hadn’t been at his desk 10 minutes the next morning when the phone rang.

“Lt. White, Detective Division.” He snapped.

“This is Abby Wentworth, thank you for stopping by last evening.  I’m sorry I was not able to thank you in person.” Her voice was soft if somewhat weak.

His entire demeanor changed at the sound of her voice. “How are you feeling? Better?” He asked, trying to keep the conversation as impersonal as possible. Bud was sure she had no concept of her own allure. How could she? What was he going to say?  ‘Oh by the way I had to jerk off from the hard on you gave me by sleeping in your bed last night.’ He was physically frustrated, but that wasn’t her fault.  He had no intention of letting her know any of it.

“Yes, I am a little stronger every day.” 

“That is good.  Just do what the doctor told you and you should be your old self in no time.”  Bud felt his heart rate speed up every time she spoke. Her voice was smooth and soft.

“Thank you again.  You have been so kind.” She said good bye and hung up.

Bud put the phone down and chastised himself for reacting the way he did.  This was not any ordinary woman. This was a sweet innocent young woman, who was married.  Yes the guy was a fucking asshole. Yes the guy was in jail.  She was still married and deserved to be treated with respect.

*******************

2 weeks had passed and the cooler temperatures of September had set in.  Kids went back to school and a different pace began.  The precinct always felt different in the school year.  Vacations were over and a new year would begin again.  It never seemed to move from January to January but from September to September.  Bud resented this time of year.  It seemed to be made for those married with kids.  He had neither, with no prospects.  Why he thought of being married so much these days he had no clue?  He didn’t want to think it had anything to do with Abby Wentworth.  She had stopped by 3 times with bakery items. Cookies, Apple bars, banana bread.  Why she was doing it was anyone’s guess.  He loved it, but wouldn’t admit it to anyone. He looked forward to her visits.  He always worked to keep it professional. He didn’t want to do anything that might make her uncomfortable, he didn’t want to do anything that would drive her away. He was determined to not reveal in any way the effect she had on his senses.

He looked up and there she was, he was beginning to think he could actually conjure her up from his thoughts. He was surprised, she was just here yesterday, he still had some of the bread in his drawer.   Her skin was flawless, she had eyes the color of rich coffee.  He could spend days just looking at her. She drew attention every time she came to the precinct, he could see the eyes of every man in the room stop what they were doing to watch her move across the room.  They would see Bud raise his eyebrows at them and they would go back to work.  He didn’t blame them, she didn’t really walk, she sort of floated across a room.  It was like she was being pulled forward by some force they, as mere humans couldn’t see.  He couldn’t help but smile as she stood in front of his desk. He stood up when she entered.  For the first time he closed the door as she sat down.  He knew she had something on her mind, she carried no box of goodies today.

“Are you okay?” He asked.  She had a look of confusion on her face.

“Yes, I am fine. I just,” her voice just seemed to trail off, going nowhere.  She was looking around his office, trying not to look at him. She stammered the next words, “it’s just that I…”

Bud was uncomfortable, he must have done something to upset her SHIT!!! It figured. “If I have done something to offend you…” He didn’t get to finish before she spoke again.

“Oh no, not at all.  I …” she took a deep breath. “…I was going to see…. to see if you would like… like to come to dinner.” The words came out in a rush. Then she looked up to the ceiling, obviously uncomfortable.

He couldn’t believe his ears. Dinner with her! Of course he would like to. “You don’t have to do this.  I was just doing my job.”  He smiled at her.

Her words were stilted and voice cracked, “It’s just that I am used to cooking for someone and I don’t know anybody else.  I was going to make a meatloaf and it is too much for one person.” She looked at him and he saw disappointment on her face, she continued before he could say anything. “It’s alright, I’m sure you already have plans.  It was a dumb idea, I’m sorry I bothered you.” The words came out in a rush and she stood up quickly and was halfway to the door before he caught up to her.

“Wait!” He tried to slow his breathing so he could speak in a normal tone of voice. “I would love to come to dinner and I don’t have any plans.” He spoke softly so none of his men would hear. No use giving them any thing more to gossip about.

“You would?” She seemed legitimately surprised at his answer.

“Yes, I would. I don’t get home cooked meals at all.  Restaurant food gets old after a while and I am all thumbs when it comes to cooking.” He explained with a grin.  She grinned back.

“Alright then, tonight. 6:00. Is that okay?” She asked

“That is fine. I’ll be there.” He opened the door the rest of the way and she left. The men watched her until they looked at their Lieutenant and saw his look of reprimand. There was one thing Bud would not tolerate in his men, disrespect of women. 

*********************

Bud straightened his tie for what must have been at least the 12^th time in the car as he drove to Abby’s house. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, but there was just something about Abby that drew him, maybe it was her innocence or her vulnerability.  He had no idea what it was, but he wanted it to continue. She brought out all of his protective instincts. She made him feel like a man.

It was fall and the weather had cooled slightly as he climbed the steps of her porch.  He noticed that the railing was loose and that the lawn needed to be mowed.  There were also weeds in the flower garden. He made a mental note to take care of it later. He knocked on the door, even though it was open and he could see in through the screen door.  He could hear music playing in the background. Then she was there, looking so pretty in a dark green dress with an apron over it.  Her hair was pulled back into a slight bun, but there was a few little hairs still on her neck. She wore no cosmetics.  She smiled as she opened the door.  He was suddenly at a loss for words. He handed her the small bouquet of  flowers he bought.

“Thank you, what a sweet thing to do.”  She took the flowers and led him into the living room.  “Why don’t you sit down while I finish?” She stated.

“What can I do to help?  Can I  set the table, I may not cook but I know where forks go?” he smiled at her. Anything to be near her. No matter how mundane.

“Oh okay.  I thought we could eat on the patio.  It is a nice evening and I haven’t gotten the light in the dining room fixed from when…” her words trailed off.  She went to a cupboard and pulled a vase for the flowers.

Bud knew she meant to say from when her husband tried to kill her.  There was still glass on the floor and he saw that some aspects of the incident were still there.  He thought it strange that she had made no effort to even clean up after his assault.  “I could take care of that for you...” Before he could finish she snapped,

“NO DON’T!” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.  I haven’t touched it because I don’t want to.  I need the reminder. If I erase all signs of what he did to me then I will forget and it will start again.  I don’t want that.” Her explanation seemed to make sense to her.  Bud wasn’t sure it was healthy, but he respected her wishes.  He followed her outside to the little patio table.  She gave him the plates, silver and napkins. She already had a large candle burning and a couple of lamps lit to illuminate the garden. It was lovely and cast a glow on the patio.

Dinner was excellent and Bud was filled to capacity.  They had chatted about a number of things, his job, the flowers in the yard that she was just starting to get back to and other things.  Just light conversation. He leaned back in his chair and sipped on the iced tea she served.   She rose and started to clear the dishes when he put out his arm to stop her.  “You don’t have to do that, you cooked., I will do the dishes.”  At his remark she had a stunned look on her face.  He chuckled softly, “Don’t look so surprised, I may not be able to cook but I can wash dishes.”

“It’s just that I have never seen a man wash dishes before.” She stated bluntly.

“Really, well I live alone and if I don’t do it.  No one else will.” He grinned at her as he gathered the dishes and went into the kitchen.  He washed them quickly and then dried them and with her instructions put them away.  He had removed his coat to keep it from getting  wet and  out of the corner of his eye he saw her gazing intently at the holstered gun he wore. He turned as he dried his hands on a towel and leaned against the counter.

“Does it bother you?  I can take it off and lock it in the trunk of the car if you are uncomfortable looking at it.” He said softly.   She reached out and gingerly stroked the leather of the holster, being careful not to touch him.

Her response was soft and direct, “No it isn’t that exactly.  I guess I never really thought about what you do.  How dangerous it really is.  I remember that first night you were here and the way you handled Charles.  He is a big man but you are so strong.  Not just physically, but your character as well.  You intimidated him.  He told me so.”

“It is what I am trained to do.  In reality a police officer rarely pulls his gun, let alone fires it.”

“And have you, pulled your gun before?  Fired it?” She asked directly as she turned and sat down on a nearby stool.  Bud was grateful for the distance.  He searched carefully for the right words to answer that question.  He thought of the Victory Motel and all the filth associated with it, would he ever be clean from it?

“Yes I have,  but things are different now from when that was necessary.” He reached for his jacket and was moving toward the door when she spoke again.

“You’re not leaving yet, I have dessert. Cherry pie.”   He raised his eyebrows at that, they laughed and he sat back down at the kitchen table.

******************

That was the beginning,  she dropped baked goods off at least twice a week and Bud spent every Friday night eating something delicious from her kitchen.  It didn’t matter, meatloaf, pot roast, fried chicken, spaghetti, it was all a feast for Bud.  He didn’t know if it was the food or the company.  He didn’t care.

He mentioned it to Ed when they were having lunch one day at the Formosa.  Bud hadn’t been there in a long time and thought it would bring back a lot of memories.  But he was fine.

“Bud, what are you doing?” Ed asked cautiously.

He looked up at ED to see his look of concern, “What do you mean?” He asked in between bites.

“You spend every Friday night with her, she comes by the office at least twice a week. What is going on with her?” Ed paused and then continued, “I know your personal life is your business and I still have no idea what happen between you and Lynn, but you could get into real deep water here.  I know that you care about this woman, any fool can see that. But you are in very dangerous territory here.  It is not just that she is married, but you are the one who arrested her husband.” Ed held out his hand to stop him from speaking, “Of course I am not going to say anything.  I may be your Captain.  But I am your friend first, I want you to be happy. I don’t think this is the way to do it.”

“You don’t understand, it’s not like that.  She is sweet and innocent.  She likes to cook for me, that is all it is. Christ Ed,  I am not fucking her.  I wouldn’t dream of hurting her that way.  She is not Lynn. Thank God.” The last words he spit out. “You never asked so I never told you.  But the truth is this.  While I was hurt, she was great.  She took care of me. Nursed me and it was wonderful, I thought I had found the one thing I had been missing my entire life.  But it didn’t last, when I was healthy again everything changed.  Have you ever been to Arizona?” Ed shook his head, “It is a hole, all it is, is sagebrush, cactus  and sand along with more sagebrush, cactus and sand. There was nothing for me to do there.  I got a job with the town sheriff which consisted of checking doors at night to make sure they were locked.  I got restless, but I was willing to stick it out because of Lynn.  I was waiting for the moment to ask her to marry me.  Then she started acting strange, distant.  Then one night when I tried to make love to her she told me she couldn’t stand my touching her because it made her remember who she used to be.” Bud rubbed his face with his hands and continued, “I knew it was over then but I denied it and thought she would just work it out.  I would give her time.  Well, she used the time to fall for this plumbing supply salesman.  I came home one night and there was a note saying she was getting married and  moving to Denver. That was it. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I called you and you know the rest.”

Ed looked stunned, “Jesus, women, who can figure them out?  So what is the deal with Abby?  What are you going to do about it?  Is this enough for you?  Don’t you want to settle down, have children? Bud, you are still young.  Lynn isn’t the end of the world.  You can find a nice girl. Christ, if I can do it.  You can do it.” Ed said with a laugh.  Bud just looked at him, Ed didn’t understand, then they both laughed and let the conversation drop.

It was Saturday, Bud had taken the day off and for the first time had a chance to get some work done around Abby’s house.  The lawn that had only been mowed twice was horribly out of control.  He read a book on how to take care of it regarding fertilizing and such and  brought some tools to fix the porch rail and screen.  He was mowing the lawn when he felt the heat of the sun on his back, so he removed his outer shirt and laid it on the porch rail without thinking. He was raking when Abby came out, she was  so cute.  She had on these blue and white checked Capri pants revealing beautifully shaped calves, white shirt with a blue checked color, white tennis shoes and floral gardening gloves.  She pulled her hair back into a ponytail, she looked about 16.  She went to the flower garden, started digging and pulling out weeds.  Bud had to shake his head to keep his mind on his work.

Bud was pounding nails into the porch rail when Abby came out with a glass of tea.  He had been working steadily since early morning and the sweat poured down his back and soaked his tank undershirt.  His head was dripping with sweat from the work, not the heat.   He love doing this, it was so typically normal and it really made him feel useful.

“You look like you could use this.” She handed him the glass.  He held it to his lips and downed it in a few gulps. He handed it back to her, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and smiled “Thanks.”  He bent to finish when she spoke.  “It is almost noon, what kind of sandwich do you want, chicken, ham or egg salad?” He looked at her, even though she had worked for almost 2 hours, she looked fresh as a daisy.   He had never seen any woman who was as beautiful as she was, not even Lynn.

“Anything is fine.  Don’t go to any trouble.  I’m easy to please.”  He thought of  one way she could please him, but of course he didn’t say it and never would.  Ed was right. This was a no win situation.  But he couldn’t  help himself.  He could no more stay away than change the direction of the wind.  So be it.  He would accept this on these terms and enjoy it while he could.  For lunch he ate three ham sandwiches with fresh carrots and celery. She had fresh baked oatmeal cookies for dessert.  He was thirsty and instead of asking her to bring him something he would get it himself.  She waited on him enough.

He was reaching for a glass in the cupboard above her head when she turned unexpectedly and he came face to face with her.  She was only inches from him. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent he had come to recognize so well in the past few months. Bud felt her presence all the way into his gut, her scent wafted up to caress his senses.  He reached out and tenderly brushed her hair away from her face, his palm cupped her cheek.  He was afraid he had gone too far when she closed her eyes and leaned into his caress.  It was all the encouragement he needed.  He leaned down and placed his lips on hers.  Gently at first, he just wanted a taste. He had dreamt about it for months.  He wasn’t expecting her response.  She moaned quietly in the back of her throat and opened her mouth and applied pressure, ever so slightly.  Bud deepened the kiss.  Her hands came up to his chest, massaged the hardness there and he pulled her to him. The kiss was an exploration, her tongue reached in and forged to his. It was wet, he slanted his mouth against hers and deepened it even more. The kissing went on as she slid her hands up his chest and circled his neck, his arms tightened around her and he felt the warmth of her sweet body flow into him.  He kept kissing her.  He had never felt anything like it in his life. He couldn’t get enough, she was sweet and he wanted her so much. He could take her right there in the kitchen and he started to ache with shear wanting and desire.  He felt himself expand and he knew she could feel it through the light weight clothing she wore.  This was wrong, he couldn’t treat her this way.  He quickly pulled away to the point where she almost lost her balance, she had to grab the kitchen counter for support.  They were both heaving to try and catch their breaths.  Bud was the first to speak.

“Shit! I am so sorry.  I had no right to treat you that way.  I need to go.”  The huskiness of his voice betrayed how truly aroused he was. 

“You don’t need to apologize.  You weren’t alone.  I was there too.” She stated softly, her voice just as breathy as his.

“But I took advantage.  You are a sweet girl and you deserve to be treated with respect, I didn’t do that. I’m sorry.” He explained.  He had turned and was leaning towards the door with his arms braced on the sill. His muscles bulging from the shear control he was trying to exact on his body. He intentionally did not look at her. What had he done?  What the fuck was the matter with him?  You would think he would be able to stay in control without acting like a goddamn horny teenager.  He was disgusted with himself.  He kept his body turned away from her as he spoke.  His voice was ragged trying to get back in control. She placed her hand on his back and pulled on his arm to force him to turn and look at her.  His blue green eyes were dark with desire as she spoke softly.

“Why do you think kissing me shows a lack of respect?” She asked, “Do you think I didn’t want to be kissed, that you forced me?  Bud, you would never force any woman to do anything.   I wanted you to kiss me.  I knew that if I didn’t give you a drink you would get it yourself and the glasses are right where I wanted them to be.” She stated honestly. She looked directly into his eyes. Then she reached up and placed her hand on his cheek. “You are simply the most wonderful man I have ever known.” Then her lips went to his chest and she started kissing him through the wet shirt he wore.  Her tongue touching the outside of his chest where the skin was exposed. Bud groaned at the excitement from her tongue on his skin.  That was all it took for Bud to crack.  His control went right out the window. He pulled on her arms to bring her mouth to his and crushed their lips together. They shared a kiss like no other, it was hot, wet  and sent both of them into a spiral of sensation that neither could stop even if they wanted to, and they didn’t. Abby moaned in agreement from the back of her throat through the kiss as they started pulling at each other’s clothes.

He opened her blouse with such urgency he thought it would tear. Her bra fastened in the back and he had no trouble setting  it free from its fasteners.  Her breasts sprung free, they were larger than he thought and was pleasantly surprised when she arched her back and threw her head back to bring them closer to him. He closed his hands around them and squeezed gently, then rubbed his thumbs over the already distended nipples bringing them to an even harder peak. He lowered his lips to one nipple, circling it with his tongue and then moving to the other.  It was feast, and Bud knew he would never get enough. She was pulling his shirt from the waist of his pants and over his head with one hand and unzipping his pants at the same time with the other. Her hands reached inside and caressed him through the underwear he wore, he groaned. If he didn’t stop her he would spill right in his pants. His cock was so hard he was sure he would only last a few moments so he had to make sure she was pleased first.  He had to slow things down a bit. He pulled her hand free and placed them on his chest.  She massaged the hardened muscles there. 

His hands went to the waistband of her pants, as he unzipped them he allowed his hands to burn a trail down her hips and brought his lips there as well,  he lowered himself to one knee as the pants and shoes found their way to the floor, her underwear was just a wisp of cloth. He didn’t want to bother with them so he just put his hand in the side and twisted, they tore easily and he threw them away in shreds.  She had a look of surprise as his lips followed where his hands had been.  He took one hand and caressed her from the back to bring her closer and used the other hand in the front to brush through the dark curls he found.  He then traced a path with his lips through those curls, her skin was soft like a baby’s. She parted her legs naturally, he took one leg and carefully placed the hip on his shoulder.  Then he found what he sought, that pink bud, wet and swollen just waiting for his lips.  He closed his mouth over it and sucked, he swathed his tongue over her opening and she gasped.  If it weren’t for his hands cupping her from behind, she would have fallen simply from the pleasure he was evoking in her. Her hands were on his head, stroking his neck and hair. Then they moved to his shoulders for support. He could feel her hips start to move in a rhythm he set with his lips and tongue as he suckled her clit, she pushed into him and thrust towards him, reaching in for that success, that absolute treasure that his wet mouth promised to her.  As he sucked and licked her clit and entered her opening with his tongue he felt her body shake in release and she fell into it by falling over his shoulders. She moaned and whimpered softly as her body bucked and shook in fulfillment. 

Before she was complete in her second orgasm he stood and brought her with him,  he picked her up and set her spread eagle on the kitchen table. He looked in her eyes and  saw them so dark that they were black with desire and incomplete fulfillment.  He smiled at her as  he released his already engorged cock from it’s confines and slid into her. She sighed seductively as her legs found their way around his waist.  She was so small he thought she would resist, but she took all of him and he groaned in the pleasure just being inside her brought.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and he started pumping, slow at first, but that didn’t last long.  His body took over and he humped into her harder and harder. She met every thrust with her hips, each thrust bringing sensation to a clitoris already swollen from first one orgasm and then another and now another. She was coming again right along with him.

His lips were pressed into her neck, his tongue wetting all the skin he could find. Her head was arched back, pressing desire swollen breasts  against his chest. Then her mouth was hot, biting gently into his shoulder as her nails scratched a light path up and down his back. She rubbed into him with every thrust and then it was there, hers and his, he spilled his hot seed into her and he yelled out loud in release. She screamed into his ear, but he didn’t hear it.   Again and again he just kept coming, it was so much he could feel it oozing out around him. But he wasn’t done, he kept pumping and there was more she contracted her walls around him and milked him completely.  Then he collapsed against her warm body.  She continued  to bump against him and rub until her orgasm was spent.

Their bodies shook from the intensity. Their breath came in gasps, he went back to kissing her lips.  She could taste herself on his lips and still they shared tongues and wet lips. She opened her eyes and looked at him right above her, she smiled and hugged him to her. Both their bodies were covered in a fine veil of sweat that just made their joining more intimate somehow.  Bud sighed against her lips. He knew she would be like this, so warm, warm hell, she was just plain hot.

He pulled his head back to look at her.  Her hands came up from his back to caress his face, she could see her own wetness sticky in his slight growth of beard.  She touched his lips with her finger tips. Her lips were parted and her tongue came out to moisten them.  Bud had never allowed himself to notice how incredibly sexy she was.  It was then at that moment Bud really and truly looked around himself.

“Holy Fucking Shit!!!” He said aloud. He pulled out of her and away from her so quickly she almost fell off the table,  He rushed and closed his pants, he reached and grabbed her pants from the floor and threw them at her. “Get dressed!” He was angry, not at her, but at himself.  What the fuck had he gone and done now?  What was he going to do about this?  He had to go and ruin everything!  FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! He took his fist and rammed it into the door to the back porch, making a substantial dent there.  He didn’t even feel it.  Behind him Abby ran to the bedroom, he could hear her scrambling.  He grabbed his shirt and with it bunched into a ball headed for the door.  The faster he got out of here the better.  But before he could make it to the front door he was met with resistance, the body of Abby standing in front of the door she had slammed shut.

“NO!!! You are not going to leave like this.” Her voice shook with emotion.  He looked at her and saw her tousled hair, her swollen lips and he could see the red marks he had made on her shoulder from the skin exposed by the bathrobe she had thrown on.  “What happened to you?” Her eyes were defiant and he had never seen her look more beautiful. He couldn’t bear to look at her and think about what he had done to her. He turned away from her and walked into the living room.

“Abby, I am so sorry.   There is no explanation for my behavior.  I don’t know what to say to you other than I am so sorry.”  His words came out stilted, he  couldn’t remember feeling this bad about behavior.  Well, maybe once. He sat and put his face in his hands.

Abby came forward and sat on the coffee table in front of him, just the opposite from when he first came to rescue her from Charley.  “Bud, what on earth do you have to be sorry for.  I don’t understand why you are so upset.” She was clearly confused.   Bud looked up at her and saw that confusion all over her face.

“I treated you with no respect.  I took you on the kitchen table for Christ sake, no thought to you, all I could think about was fucking you as hard and as fast as I could.  I will never forgive myself for that.”

“There is that word again, respect.  I think you need to look at it from my viewpoint.” She took a deep breath, he could see her beautiful cleavage from the V in her robe. “You didn’t take me at all, we were together.  You have a misconceived idea about what true respect is.  You respected me when you waited for me to make the first move, you respected me when you made sure I was pleasured before you sought your own.  You brought me along every step of the way.” Her voice softened before she continued, “I have never felt more respected in my life.”  She reached out and placed her hand on his cheek. He felt her tender warmth against his skin.

“But you were an innocent and I treated you like a whore.” He said.

Abby smiled, like she new a secret. “What makes you think that I am an innocent.? Because I am married and live in a house with a white picket fence?” At the word married, Bud flinched. Abby did not.  He looked at her intently.

“Bud, I am not what you think I am.  I was born a bastard, my parents were never even married. It was a small town outside of Spokane Washington.  Then when I was twelve, my father killed my mother with a baseball bat and then in a drunken stupor drove our car into a ravine, killing himself in the process.  Because of the situation of my birth I went from one foster home to the next. Most of them were only in it for the money and I learned really quick how to take care of myself. Most of the men thought that since I was born on the wrong side of the sheets then I belonged there on a permanent basis.  I had other ideas. The last foster home was in Fresno.  I actually lived with a nice family who didn’t care about my birth status,  Maggie, that was the mom, she taught me to cook.  She always told me that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach.  So  I was in the kitchen with her all the time.” She smiled when he nodded slightly in agreement.  “Maggie was bound and determined to find me a good husband.  That was her goal. I met Charley, he was older but he seemed really nice and stable.  Maggie and Stan, that was their names, liked him and they gave me a small wedding. I was 18 and he was 34.  I didn’t love him, but I felt that It really wasn’t necessary.  I was willing to sacrifice love for stability and cleanliness.”   Bud leaned back and looked at Abby intently. He listened to every word.

“The first few years were nice, I tolerated the sex because he was kind and he appeared to care about me. I wanted to please him, but all the things I had heard about sex just made me more adamant that I didn’t want to have anything to do with it.  When I was in school, the girls talked about it all the time and they talked about the boys and the size of their dicks and how it felt to be fucked.” At her use of the word he raised his eyebrows in surprise.  “I sort of wanted to experience that but I just figured they were lying and had never done anything. That is what I figured until I met you.” Her voice was sincere.

“Charley changed about 5 years ago when he started to drink.  I remembered my mom and what she went through with my dad, I kept telling myself that he wasn’t that bad. I wanted a stable life.  Then when he lost his job and we moved here I thought things would get better, but it wasn’t meant to be.  I want to live clean, but I don’t know how.  I see this neighborhood and the families and I want it, but I don’t know how to get it.” 

Bud was studying her. “Bud, you brought me to a place I have never been before. I felt things with you I didn’t even know existed.  Whatever the circumstances were, they were of my making.   I manipulated you.” It was then he noticed the tears, they were slow and trickled down her cheeks. She stood up, went to the window and looked out as she spoke very slowly, “There is no need for you to be angry at yourself, I wanted you to fuck me just the way you did and have wanted it since Charley went away.  I am the one who is sorry, I manipulated you with cookies and banana bread.  Make no mistake,  I am grateful for all that you did to protect me from my husband.  But it isn’t necessary anymore. 

I am sure you have no clue what it is like.  You are a good man, I’m sure you have a good life with plenty of people around you who care and respect you on a regular basis. I can see you have regrets and I don’t blame you, you say you treated me like a whore.  That is only because I acted like one.  The last thing you need is to be mixed up with someone like me. It is just that  I loved having you here.  I fooled myself into thinking we could be just an ordinary couple. Today was so special, you raking the lawn and me pulling weeds, it was an illusion of normalcy.  Then when you took your shirt off, my body went all hot and tingling. I wanted you so much I ached with it.” She put her hand to her forehead in a gesture of total self-disgust. “I decided then and there I was going to have you, no matter what I had to do to make it happen.”

***************************

Bud never went to Ed’s home, but he had to talk to someone and Ed was the most likely choice.  Actually, he was the only choice. When he arrived he saw Ed in the front yard watering some flowers.  Ironic is what it was considering what Bud had done in Abby’s yard that morning.   Katie had just left with her mother to buy some things for the baby and would be gone for an hour or so.  They were sitting on the front porch having a cold beer when Bud told Ed everything that had happened with Abby. All about the yard work and then the sex in the kitchen. He told him what Abby had said to him. He saw no expression at all in Ed.  He had no idea what he was thinking.

“That’s it, that’s all of it.  Shit Ed, what am I going to do?  How did I manage to fuck this up so badly? Don’t tell me I know, I couldn’t keep my pants zipped.”  At that comment, Ed laughed and shook his head.

“I knew this was going to happen, it was only a matter of time before you would consummate your relationship.”  Ed concluded, “I saw it coming, no pun intended, a mile down the road.” Ed’s eyes twinkled with amusement at the whole thing and Bud didn’t understand why when he had chastised him so vehemently before.

“You say the word consummate like we were newlyweds or something.  It’s not like I made love to her in a bed with pretty words and stuff.  I treated her terribly.”

“Doesn’t sound like it to me. I happen to like the kitchen table myself.  It is just the right height. In fact, I think the baby was conceived on the kitchen table.”  Ed said the words as Bud took a swig of his beer, the words made him almost choke.  He spit the beer into the yard. Ed laughed. “Are you that surprised, Bud, married people fuck on the kitchen table and in the laundry room.”

“But I thought…..” Bud was confused, all his ideas on marriage were slowly crumbling.

“You thought that we only made love with rose petals and in the missionary position.  That is pure shit.  Fucking your wife against the wall with half your clothes on is just as much a sign of love as in the bathtub with bubbles all around.”  Ed  was looking straight ahead, but he knew he had Bud’s undivided attention. Part of Bud’s problem was that he had spent too much time around hookers and cheap cocktail waitresses.

“If both parties are satisfied with the sex, no matter where it is, then it is making love.”  He took a deep breath, “Bud, do you love this woman?”  He thought he knew the answer but he needed to hear it from him.

“Yes, I do.” Bud sat there stunned at all that Ed had told him.  He knew it was not easy for Ed to share these things and Katie would probably be more than a little miffed at him for sharing this aspect of their marriage.

“Have you lost respect for her since this morning?”

“No.”

“If you could marry her, would you?” He looked directly at him. His voice clear and precise.

“Yes, I would.  If she would have me.”

“Then do what you have to do to make it happen.” It was a simple statement.  Then Ed waved and stood up as he saw Katie drive into the driveway.

It was Sunday and Bud had been in thought since yesterday.  How did he manage to get things so messed up in his mind?  Maybe being a cop he spent too much time with whores and pimps.  Cops were a jaded bunch and he had seen more than one screw up a marriage to a good woman because the cop had a wandering dick.  But he had always thought it was because the marriage bed was boring.  But if Ed was right, then it was because the guys were just plain stupid.

Abby had been so willing and eager, everything about her he wanted.  He thought it was wrong of him to think of her in that way, but Ed had just laughed and agreed with him.  Abby said that he didn’t understand about her life, but he understood all too well.  Her confession had surprised him, her life was so much like his and it was amazing the continuity in their lives.  She was wrong about herself, she was clean.  She was beautiful and deserved a home life and he wanted to give it to her.  But how was he going to do that without making her look like a tramp? If he initiated the divorce proceedings, it would all get out.  In the precinct anyway, and he would lose the respect of his men.  How did a woman go about divorcing a man while he was in prison?

Abby opened the door to him and smiled.  He smiled  back at her, “Can I come in?” It was a question, his voice soft.  She opened the door wider and he stepped in.

For 4 hours they talked about everything they were feeling.  Bud told Abby about his childhood, at which she shook her head in disbelief.  He told her about his conversation with Ed Exley, assuring her that he was very discreet.  Her response was that if Bud trusted him then so did she. They were on the sofa, she was sitting next to him.  He drew her to him and they snuggled together as they spoke.

“Did you really cook all those things just to get me into bed?” His voice was curious.

“Does that make me a horrible person?” She asked, she didn’t think he minded but you never know.

“Not in the least, it is just that I have one concern.”  She turned and looked at him, his eyes were twinkling at her. “I am going to miss those oatmeal cookies.”  He bent and kissed her and they sunk into the sofa.  Bud held her close and just kept kissing her.  He didn’t think about the consequences of what he was doing, he had done that for far too long.  They belonged together, their personal histories were so similar it was like they were interwoven into one.

Bud picked her up and carried her into the bedroom.  She looped her arms around his neck and nuzzled him closely with her lips just below his ear.  He groaned at the pleasure her lips could bring so quickly.  He set her on her feet and allowed his eyes to look at her. There was a simplicity in her beauty, it wasn’t planned or made up. It was natural. He loved looking at her. Her eyes had a dark seductive glint to them as she unbuttoned the front of the pale pink check dress she wore and let it cascade to pool at her feet. Beneath it she wore a simple white satin under slip, he feet were bare.  The satin shimmered next to her skin.  He reached out and took the single strap from the slip and slid his index finger under to slip it down her shoulder, he allowed his hand to cup her shoulder in a tender caress as it descended.  Then he repeated the motion with his other hand.  The slip followed the dress to the floor. She was naked except a white pair of underpants.  She stepped out of the garments at her feet and put her hands to the buttons of Bud’s shirt. He let her stroke his chest as she opened the shirt to reveal his standard tank t-shirt.

“I love the way you look in this shirt.  It shows off what an incredibly s