This is a work of fiction, using characters from the film, “Proof of Life”.  No insult or invasion of privacy or infringement of copyright is intended. The story is for readers over the age of 18 only, and contains adult language. The writer is not responsible for any "discomfort" caused to the reader by this language and these situations.

A Clean Slate

by: MariEllen

©2005

Part 2

Amsterdam, July 2001

Kath remembered few details of the trip back home. There were some fragments of a frantic drive over bad roads. A helicopter. Her most vivid memory was of the strong arms that picked her up and held her. Of a deep, sonorous voice with Australian accent, telling her repeatedly that everything would be okay. He had wrapped her in a blanket and had held her until other hands had taken her from him. She could have stayed in those arms forever, they made her feel safe for the first time in months.

In the hospital, they had cut the clothes off her body and the hair off her head. She had been hosed down, disinfected, and de-loused. They had dressed her wounds, pampered her battered body with ointments. She had been given injections and a drip in her arm. They had fed her some porridge-like substance that tasted like vanilla; nothing had ever tasted better. Kath passively resigned to all of it, too exhausted to mind and still not fully comprehending that she was free. She had slept for days. Deep, dreamless sleep.

On the third day the police and some official looking men who weren't introduced, questioned her. Kath didn’t have much to say. The inside of her prison and the face of her guard was all she knew. They told her what had happened to her colleagues, she mourned the dead and was anxious for the fate of the others. There was still no news about their situation.

Her father had come to take her home. There was no medical ground for her to stay in hospital. She had lost a lot of weight and was very weak. Nothing that healthy home cooked meals and a lot of tender love and care couldn’t fix.

Back in the safety of her parent’s house, Kath slowly recovered, gaining some weight back by eating small portions of food all through the day. She took up running again. The first time she left the safe fenced-in grounds around her parent’s place, she was overcome by a paralyzing panic; every day she forced herself to go a little further, confronting her fear with each step, until she could run freely again. Physically, she was doing all right.

Mentally was another matter. She still took several baths a day, not being able to get the stench of her prison out of her mind. She started seeing a therapist. Her parents had wanted her to see an old friend of the family, but Kath preferred to talk to a stranger.

There hadn’t been a dreamless night. At first, they had only been nightmares, waking her up in a sweat and screaming. As time past, the Australian started to appear in her dreams. Each time just before the point of terror, he was there, holding her and talking to her in that masculine voice. She never told anyone about the dreams. Not even her therapist, partly because she didn’t want to share him and partly because she felt ashamed. The dreams had become increasingly erotic. He changed into her lover, his muscular arms, strong hands, and low voice arousing her in ways she’d never known before.

Gradually she started thinking about going home. Even though both her parents had shown nothing but loving support, Kath desperately longed for her own apartment.

Before she left, Kath tried once more to talk her father about the men who had freed her. He had been positively secretive about the whole thing. All she knew was that they were mercenaries and that her father had hired them to get her out. She needed to find out more about them. She stepped into her father’s home office. He was sitting behind his desk and turned when she walked in. She took a chair opposite him and not knowing how to address it tactfully, she just blurted out, “Dad, about my rescuers, please tell me who they are. I want to meet them.”

Her father looked at her thoughtfully. “That’s not possible. These men don’t want to be found. What they do isn’t exactly legal, you know.”

She made an impatient movement. “I understand that. But you must know who they are? You found them.”

“Not exactly darling, they contacted me. All I did was put word out that I was looking.”

The idea of her gentle father putting ‘word out’ had amazed her. “How did you do that? I had no idea that you had connections like that.”

He smiled at her; there was something in his eyes she’d never noticed before, a definite ruthlessness. “You don’t know everything about me. Anyway what’s the use of having so much money if you can’t pull a few strings?”

She wasn’t giving up. “But you must have met them.”

“I met one of them. I gave him my word to never disclose his identity. And I won’t, not even to you, my darling.”

“Was he Australian?”

He father looked at her inquiringly. “Why would you think that?”

She blushed. “It’s just that I thought one of them was Australian.”

“No, the man I met was no Australian. Forget about them. They have been handsomely rewarded for their services.”

No matter how she pleaded with him, he was unshakeable and told her nothing.

September 2001

Outwardly, Kath’s life seemed back to normal. She had returned to work. Her boss had been reluctant to let her start again, but she convinced him that the idleness was driving her crazy. Everybody was happy to have her back safe and sound. She had gained weight and most of her old strength. She seemed to be doing all right.

However, for Kath, nothing was back to normal. She felt strangely detached from what used to be her fairly uncomplicated and happy life. She’d lost interest in things she used to like. Looking back at her lifestyle, she found nothing but shallowness. Enough money in her bank account to last her a lifetime, closets full of designer’s clothes, a fast car in her garage. She couldn’t care less. Her ever-partying friends had been sympathetic after her release, but soon became bored with the topic. They felt she should be over it by now, get on with her life. Even her work didn’t really interest her anymore. She had trouble concentrating and her colleagues behaved a little awkwardly around her. She had never been so lonely in her life.

She still enjoyed two things: running and photography. She loved to run long distances. Leaving the city behind and running along the green meadows until the pain vanished and the endorphins made her high.

She could lose herself for hours in her darkroom, experimenting with lighting and contrasts. They were solitary activities; she didn’t need anybody around.

------------------------

In her third week at work, Kath’s boss, Hans van Maanen, asked her into his office. He explained that War Child was going into business with another insurance company. The way their former insurer had handled the whole affair had been less than satisfactory. The new company, Luthan Risk, was London based and more experienced with kidnap and ransom matters.

“They are sending over one of their consultants. He will be here for two days and give lectures and training to all our staff. I would like everybody to attend but what I’d like to know from you is, are you up to it?”

Kath applauded the idea of better training for the rest, but didn’t want to participate in anything that would bring back memories. “I don’t know. I really don’t need to be reminded. I’m not sure how it will affect me. I would hate to have a breakdown in front of the team. They are just getting used to me again.” She looked at Hans. “And you know I will never visit another project again.”

Hans looked at her thoughtfully. “Okay. Fair enough. I will leave it up to you. I won’t force you.” Kath was happy with that, she promised to think about it.

When the day came, she decided not to go.

It was almost half past five in the evening when Kath walked up to Hans’ office. She had some notes she wanted to leave with him before she went home. The door to his office wasn’t quite closed and she could hear him talk to someone. The low and sonorous voice with the Australian accent that answered him made her knees buckle under her. She felt a pain in her gut as if someone had kicked her. Leaning against the wall for support, out of sight but within hearing, she closed her eyes and concentrated fully on the voice. It was him. She was sure.

Kath waited until the shaking of her body subsided and resisted the urge to just barge in there. She quietly walked back to her own office. Slumped down behind her desk, she tried to think. That he was here, in her office building, went beyond her comprehension. She had totally resigned to the idea of never finding out who he was, never meeting him. She sat there in silence, trying to make sense of it all. She wanted to meet him but was afraid to at same time. He had made such a powerful impression on her as an anonymous force, what would happen if she came face to face with him?

She had to make up her mind; he could be leaving any moment.

She checked her email for the memo Hans had send about the training. There it was: Mr. Terrence Thorne, Luthan Risk. She whispered his name. Terrence…Terry?

She picked up her desk phone and called the number of Hans’ secretary Anna.

“Anna. Would you be so kind as to ask Mr. Thorne if he can spare me a minute after he’s done with Hans? Please ask him to come to my room?”

“Yes, Mrs. van Lierop.” Kath had kept her married name. Everybody in the office had been used to it. It had been less hassle to keep it after the divorce.

The waiting made Kath nervous. Her hands were all sweaty and warm. She walked over to the little kitchen unit in the corner of her room and held her hands and wrists under the stream of cold water. She was just drying them off, when there was a knock on her door and a man entered.

Kath leaned against the sink for support. If she had made him up, he couldn’t have been more perfect. She knew that he was powerfully built and the tailored suit he was wearing now couldn’t disguise it. He was at least a head taller than her. She stared at him, taking in his masculine features. The strong jaw, cleft chin, and big, straight nose. His mouth was surprisingly soft, with a sensually curved upper lip. He had thick brown hair, cut short. His eyes were striking. Ocean green with heavy lids and long dark lashes. There was nothing in his face that disappointed her, not one feature she would have changed. She saw a flash of recognition in his eyes before he closed his face and gave her a non-committal smile.

Terry recognized her straight away. The long dark hair was short now, curling around her face. The green eyes were not smiling but fixed on him intently. The generous mouth wasn’t laughing but trembling slightly. She looked beautiful. Still way too skinny for his taste and her face had that unnatural paleness that was typical after a lengthy stay in the dark, but she had come a long way from the little frame he had picked up in his arms. What was up with the name change? Was she married? He immediately controlled the shock of seeing her. She walked up to him and held out her hand. He took it. It was small and felt cool.

Kath felt her hand disappear in his; his grip was warm and hard. She smiled. “Mr. Thorne. Thank you for coming over.”

“Mrs. Van Lierop.”

She walked round her desk and sat down. “Please have a seat.”

He sat down, watching her cautiously.

She took a deep breath. “Mr. Thorne, do you know who I am?”

He nodded. “Yes. You were captured in Chechnya last May, I have seen your file.”

Even through her nerves, she had to smile at that. Clever. The best lie was always partly true. She took a deep breath, gathering courage. “Was that before or after you pulled me out?”

He didn’t move a muscle, didn’t blink an eye. His brain was working overtime. How did she know? He raised one eyebrow. “I’m sorry? I have no idea what you mean.”

She smiled at him sadly. “I think you do. You may not have realized, but you spoke to me quite a lot. I recognized your voice. In fact your voice is one of the few things I remember of that day.”

He didn’t react to that. “My company wasn’t involved in your release, we have just taken over the account.”

“I know. It doesn’t matter. I know it was you and I wanted you to know that I know. I want to thank you for saving my life.” The words came out in a nervous rush, and she seemed relieved to be rid of them.

His face disclosed none of his thoughts.  “I’m sorry. Obviously you have gone through a tremendous ordeal. I understand that. But you are mistaken about me. I had nothing to do with your release.” He got up from his chair, wanting to end this conversation.

She was panicking, didn’t want him to leave. She walked over and placed her hand on his sleeve. “Please, I just want to talk to you.”

He looked at her pleading eyes, hoping she wasn’t going to cry, he didn’t know if he could handle that. He had to end this conversation. “We really have nothing to talk about. I am sorry you had to go through what you did, but I can’t help you.” He walked out of her office and closed the door carefully behind him.

~*~

Back in his hotel room, Terry poured himself another drink. He couldn’t believe she had recognized him. Couldn’t believe she had been there. Most kidnap victims didn’t return to work so soon. If they returned at all, most avoided the job that had landed them into trouble. She must be a tough little cookie to have returned so soon. A beautiful, tough little cookie. Seeing her had moved him more than he would like to admit. Under different circumstances he would have loved talking to her, would probably have hit on her. Now, it could only mean complications and he had enough of those in his life.

Kath was having a drink too. She didn’t know how she got home, drove over on automatic pilot. The only thing in her mind’s eye his image. The body she’d been dreaming about had a face now. He was beautiful. She was in love with the fantasy of him and to have him standing in front of her, oozing raw physical power, had been overwhelming. After four glasses of brandy, she decided she couldn’t just leave it at this; she had to talk to him. She would go to his hotel and demand to see him.

In front of the hotel, all her bravery left her. She didn’t even dare to enter. What if he refused to see her? Worse, what if he did see her? What was she going to say? She definitely needed another drink. She crossed the street and entered the first bar she came across.

Terry couldn’t sleep. He decided to have a late drink at the hotel’s bar. When he got there, only one other slightly drunk guest was boring the barkeeper. He didn’t feel like joining him. He remembered he’d seen a bar across the street. He would go there, who knows? He might even get lucky tonight.

Inside it was crowded and loud. They played some local artist, he couldn’t understand the words, but apparently, he was popular, for many people were singing along loudly. He found a spot to hang out at the end of the counter and ordered a scotch. He was looking around slowly, searching for something nice to warm his bed. There was an argument behind him, he turned around and there she was. Totally pissed out of her brain. She could hardly stand and was fending off some guy who was obviously bothering her. Terry took a few paces in her direction and grabbed the guy by his neck, pulling him off her. The man turned angry, ready to strike, but changed his mind at the deadly stare that met him and stumbled away.

Kath was too far-gone to follow what had just happened. All she knew was that she needed to sit down. The whole room was turning before her eyes. She looked up at Terry but couldn’t get her brain around the fact that he was standing there. Terry supported her with his hands under her elbows. “Hey, hey, luv. I think it’s time you got home. Seems to me you had more than enough.” He could see that she wasn’t going to last much longer. She was leaning into him. He grabbed her around her waist, making sure she wouldn’t topple over.

Terry tried talking to her, tried to get her address from her. He had planned to put her in a cab, but she wasn’t lucid anymore. He decided he couldn’t just leave her there. “Okay, come on, luv. You’re coming with me.” He had to support her all the way across the street and into the hotel. The man behind the desk gave him a weary look, but no one tried to stop him taking her to his room. He held her with one hand against the wall while he got his key card and opened the door. He picked her up and carried her in like a baby.

That seemed to trigger something in her, because she opened her eyes and spoke in a slurred voice. “You’re a liar, you know? Nothing is OK.”

He put her on the bed and before he had her boots off, she was out cold. She was lying on her stomach with her mouth open. He had to laugh. Next thing she would be snoring. He covered her with the duvet, walked over to the mini-bar, and poured a drink. He sat in the chair next to bed and looked at her. So, things weren’t okay. His heart went out to her, but it was to be expected, things mostly weren’t so shortly after. He closed his eyes.

Kath woke up feeling sick. She opened her eyes and spotted Terry sleeping in the chair. She had to find the bathroom quick. She crawled out of the bed and stumbled into the bathroom. Terry was awake immediately. He heard her being violently sick, got up and walked into the kitchen. Maybe he had better make her some tea.

Kath was barfing her guts out. The taste of brandy in her mouth made her more nauseous. When she finally had nothing left to throw up, she went over to the sink and rinsed her mouth with water. She looked at her image in the mirror. Oh, my God! She looked terrible. Her eyes were bloodshot; her face puffed and red, mascara smears under her eyes. She turned the tap open and held her head under the stream, trying to clear her mind. She made foam between her hands with his soap and washed her face. Smeared some of his toothpaste on her teeth and tongue to get rid of the horrible taste in her mouth. She splashed more water on her face and used his towel to dry herself off. How did she get here? With him in this room? Had she knocked on his door? She didn’t remember much of the evening. Oh, fuck! Too late now. She took a deep breath and went back into the room.

Terry was sitting at the table, having a smoke. He smiled at her when she came back in. “Are you okay?”

She shook her head. “No.”  She sat down opposite him, shyly looking at him. “What happened? Did I knock on your door? Made a nuisance of myself? I’m sorry if I did.”

“No, don’t worry. I ran into to you at the bar. You weren’t exactly stable on your feet.”

Hm...No, she was sure she hadn’t been. She remembered up to the point that she first felt she needed to sit down. He hadn’t been around then.

He looked at her inquiringly. “Won’t your husband be worried about you?”

Her face showed incomprehension. “Husband? I’m not married.”

Why was he so relieved? He checked his feelings. Shrugged. “You used another name.”

It was coming back to her. “Oh, that. I’m divorced, kept the name for the job. It was easier than having to explain to everyone.” She gave him a wry smile. “It saved having to print new business cards.”

He smiled. “I see. I’ve made some tea; you’d better drink some. Take it from me, it works.”

She downed the cup with small sips. She was shaking, feeling miserable.

Terry was observing her; he thought she looked adorable. He shook his head. Forget it, mate. Too complicated. “Why don’t you try to catch a little more sleep? We still have a couple of hours before morning.”

It was tempting and she was feeling so wretched that she crawled back under the duvet.

Terry returned to his chair. She was looking at him. He could see the tears in her eyes.

She whispered to him. “I’m so sorry…”

He got out of the chair and sat down on the edge of the bed. “It’s alright, luv. You’ve had a rough time. It will get better though, it always does.”

She looked up. “Could you just hold me, please?” 

Part of him wanted to badly, she looked so fragile and sad. His professional part told him to back off, not get involved.

She saw the rejection in his eyes. “Please, just until I fall asleep.”

He gave in. Got next to her and gently held her, blocking his mind to the feel of her.

Kath sighed as she relaxed in his arms. She nestled her head against his chest. Closed her eyes and concentrated on his scent, his warmth, the feel of his hard body against hers. She was safe again.

Terry couldn’t sleep, he was too aware of her. There hadn’t been a special woman in his life for some time. He’d had enough women, just no one special. This one stirred feelings in him he hadn’t felt for a while. He’d known it from the first time he’d seen her picture. When he decided to go in with Dino to get her out, it had been more personal than he’d like to admit. This was not a good idea. She obviously had some crush on him. She moaned in her sleep and had called his name. It made him uneasy. This was not a healthy basis for a relationship. She was damaged, needed to heal first. He didn’t want to be her crutch. He’d had some heartbreaks and he wasn’t looking for the next one. He had to stop this before it all got too painful.

He was gone. The place next to her where his warm body had been was cold. She had no idea of the time. On her way to the bathroom, she noticed the little note on the table, it read: If you still want to talk, be back here at eight. Terry

It made her happy, she would see him again. She went into the bathroom to pee. Washed her hands and face with his soap, used his toothpaste again. She let her hands go over his things. Opened his after-shave and spilled some on her shirt. Back in the room she picked up the shirt, he’d left hanging over the chair and buried her face in it, taking in his scent. Oh, God! What am I doing? She put on her boots and left the room.

Kath didn’t go to work that day. She felt like shit and wanted to be as fit as possible for tonight. She tried to run, but had to give up after half an hour, her body just didn’t co-operate. After a few more hours sleep and a hot bath, she was feeling somewhat better, however extremely nervous. What did she expect to happen tonight? What was she hoping for? She didn’t have the guts to be totally honest with herself, dismissing the doubts from her mind. She would just go and see how it went.

~*~

When Terry opened the door for her, she sensed at once that there was something different. He wasn’t smiling, acted standoffish. He got himself a beer and water for her; she couldn’t stomach the thought of alcohol. They were sitting at the table again; he was smoking silently, observing her coolly. “Why were you in the bar across the street yesterday? It didn’t strike me as the kind of place a girl like you would hang out normally.”

The aggressive way in which he’d asked her, took her by surprise. She tried to evade a straight answer. “What do you mean ‘a girl like me’?”

He stared at her steadily with no sign of affection “The rich and spoiled kind. Don’t evade the question.”

She blinked her eyes, didn’t like that remark. Didn’t like the way he was looking at her. She raised her chin and stuck her jaw out, returning his gaze. “You’re right. I’d never been there before. I had planned to come here, to talk to you.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No. I got cold feet. I went to the bar for some liquid courage.”

Terry had a hard time keeping a smile from his face. He sensed that she was extremely nervous, but she wasn’t backing down. He liked that. He didn’t have a real plan. Just a vague idea that he wanted her to see a man she couldn’t like, stop her having romantic notions about him.

“Why did you want to talk to me so badly?”

“Because you were the one that pulled me out, even though you won’t admit it.”

“What difference does that make? Even if I should admit it, I would just be the guy who got handsomely paid to pick up a package.” That hurt, he could see it. He pushed a little further. “Or did you think it was personal?”

She stared at him. Why did he have to be so beautiful? She could barely look at him without pain in her gut. Where was the man that had been here last night? He had been so much closer to the perfect image she’d created of him in her mind. Nothing like this indifferent stranger. How could she have been so stupid? She had known he was a mercenary, deadly dangerous. Why had she created such a tender image? It had been his voice, the same voice that had been warm last night and was now cold and impersonal. She couldn’t rhyme the two.

“For you? No. But for me it was extremely personal.”

He gave her a sly grin, very disconcerting. “Yeah. I thought so. Something in the way you snuggled against me last night, moaning in your sleep and calling my name.”

The cruelty in his voice made the blood drain from her face. Oh, God! Had she done that? She got up from her chair. “I made a mistake coming here. I’m sorry I bothered you.”

Moving fast and silent, he cut off her way to the door. Kath backed away until she felt the wall behind her. He moved closer, a predatory look in his eyes. “Why the hurry?”

He scared the shit out of her. She tried to slide past him but his hands were on her wrists like iron.

He raised her hands above her head, pinning them to the wall with one hand. With the thumb of his free hand he trailed her face, the contour of her mouth. “Such a nice little package…. Let’s have some fun first.” He buried his face in her neck, whispering in her ear. “Isn’t that why you really came, luv?”

She tried to kick him, but he just caught her leg between his strong thighs and laughed. His free hand grabbed her throat; she felt he could snap it with one movement. “Mm….feisty.” He moved his hand slowly over her body, slipping it under her shirt, caressing the bare skin of her back. His palm was so hot on her skin that she jerked involuntary. He lowered his head and placed his mouth on the soft spot between her neck and shoulder, he could feel her heart pump like crazy under his lips. He looked her straight in the eyes, mocking her horror.

Despite her fear, Kath felt the heat spread in her loins. The way her body reacted to his aggression, horrified her.

Terry saw the shift in her eyes. He knew he had to stop now or wouldn’t be able to. He let her go and stepped aside. “Get out of here before I change my mind.” Kath backed away, making her way toward to door, keeping her eyes on him all the time, until she found the doorknob and got out.

Terry watched her run out of the hotel and across the street toward her car. She was so upset; she dropped her keys and had trouble getting them in the lock. “Yeah, run little girl.” He lowered his forehead against the cool window and closed his eyes. He would go and pack his bags in a minute; it was time to go home.

Part Three