“I’ve made such a mess of things.”

Kiki’s words echoed in the near-empty conservatory. Mia put her arm around her and whispered “that’s all right” while Kiki tried to collect her thoughts. Was she really upset about what she’d done, or that she’d gotten caught?

Mia sighed. “What were you thinking?” 

“I was thinking it was the last time, that it was goodbye . . . or not. I don’t know, I don’t think straight around him.”

“Kiki, I know this isn’t my place to say,” Mia said after a few more minutes of silence. “But do you really think you should be getting married?”

Kiki looked at her sister and was overwhelmed by déjà vu. Was it her eyes, a deep set chocolate brown, or the turn of her delicate mouth that looked so familiar? No, it was the gesture, the way she turned her head. It was just like her father’s. He was never one to admonish, but would ask, “Was that a good idea?” when Kiki would do something foolish.

“That’s what Dad would say.”

Mia laughed softly. “You’re right. He would!”

“I don’t know what happened, Mia. I thought I loved Ted. I wanted to marry him when he asked me.”

“Really?”

“You’re surprised?”

“You seem so different, that’s all,” Mia replied with a shrug.

“It wasn’t always that way. I thought.”

“Isn’t it better to know now?”

Kiki nodded and sighed. “I need to get through Tuesday night’s hearing. Then I’ll . . . resolve things.”

“What about Steve? Do you love him, Kiki?”

Kiki’s heart beat hard in her chest at the mention of his name. Was it love? Was it just the sex?  “I’m scared, Mia. Do I even know what that love is? I thought Dad loved my Mom. I thought I loved Ted. What if I jump in with both feet and it ends the same way?” She shook her head. “Maybe I’m genetically unable to be in love with one person.”

“Kiki, no, don’t say that!”

“Why not? It’s true!” She sprang up and started to pace.

“I have the same genes as you, and I don’t think it’s true. I hope it’s not.”

Kiki paused and looked at her sister, realizing the hope was heartfelt. “Anybody I know?”

Mia lips upturned in a feline smile. “Yes, you do. He’s waiting outside now.”

“Ajay! I knew it! How long?”

“Couple of weeks. I can’t believe it! I never expected it.”

“I think it’s wonderful!”

“It’s all so new; I don’t know what will happen. I don’t want to feel it’s doomed before it starts though.”

“I’m sorry, Mia. I didn’t mean to bring you down. I’m just so confused by everything, I need time to think; it’s probably a good thing Steve has that project in New York.”

“I just want you to be happy, Kiki.”

Kiki sat back down on the couch and hugged her sister. “I am happy, to have found you.” She sighed and looked around the room. “And I’m happy to have this house; I’ll need a place to stay, even if Ajay will have to foreclose in a couple of months.”

“He’d never do that!”

“No, he wouldn’t. His bank would though.”

“What if you got a roommate?” Mia grinned. “Me. My building’s going condo; I can get out of my lease.”

“You’d do that?”

“I love this house and I’d love to live here. What do you think?”

“I think it’d be great!” Kiki hugged Mia and laughed. “And I treated you so horribly when I first met you! Ajay was so protective, I remember.”

“Yes.” At the sound of his name, Mia looked at her watch. “He’s waiting, Kiki. Are you going to be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. I’m going straight to bed. I’ve got a lot to do before the hearing, so I think I can avoid Ted before then.”

Mia’s brows knit and she hugged Kiki again. “What are you going to say? Are you going to tell him about Steve?”

“I don’t know yet. I think I’ll try to keep him out of it.”

The two sisters said their goodnights, and Kiki drove home, finding the house empty when she got there. She showered and readied for bed, half-expecting to hear the sound of the key in the door. She drifted off to sleep, still listening for Ted’s return.

When she awoke the next morning, she peeked into the master bedroom. She didn’t know if she felt relief or disappointment to find Ted sleeping there. She thought of going to him, telling him everything, begging his forgiveness. She even took a step inside the room, but she paused. Would he do the same, were the positions reversed? Did she really want his forgiveness?

She left him a note and went to work.

It wasn’t avoidance to stay at work late the next two days. There was a lot to be done; Kiki wanted to be prepared to address every possible question the public or the planning board might have. She and Peter rehearsed their presentation and role-played the opposition many times over. Kiki even reviewed the work she’d done on the Enright building. Not that it was a topic for the hearing, but she didn’t want to be surprised like the last time. Of course, she hoped Steve would stay away; she imagined he’d be packing up to leave the next day. That thought gave her pause, but she shoved Steve out of her mind. After the hearing, after she’d resolved things with Ted, then she could think about him. First things first, one step at a time, that was the only way.

She almost overslept the morning of the hearing. The alarm hadn’t gone off, which was odd, but she woke up with just enough time to make it in time to meet Peter and Gene for their final preparations. Except that Peter had overslept too, at least that’s how it seemed when she arrived before him. She opened her email while waiting, and was surprised to find an appointment booked at the Duncan’s at 9 a.m. She had to rush to make it; there was no time to dwell on how unusual it was to go to their offices. The receptionist let her in immediately and she raced down to Teddy’s office, only to see Gene and Peter emerging. Gene didn’t look at her, and Peter touched her arm and mouthed, “I’m sorry, it’s all my fault,” to her before climbing on the elevator with her boss.

Her mouth went dry and her heart started to beat out of her chest. What could it be? What did Peter think was his fault? Fighting the instinct to run away, she stepped in trying to act as normal as possible.

“What’s up, you guys?”

“Sit, Katherine.” Teddy remained seated at his desk, which was devoid of anything except a keyboard and large LCD monitor.

“I’m sorry I’m late for the meeting, I didn’t hear until this morning. Ted, why didn’t you tell me?”

Ted shot her a glance, quickly averting his eyes afterwards. “Something came up,” he said with a snort. Kiki got a chill up her spine. He knew. She gripped the arms of the chair, her mind racing with choices. Run. Face the music. Yell. Stonewall. She found herself unable to move.

“I hear you’ve finished your little project.” Teddy said, calmly.

“Yes.” She felt her jaw clench at the tone of his voice.

“You had a party, too? Ted said.”

“Just a potluck for the volunteers and contractors, yes. It was the least I could do. I didn’t think you and Carolyn would be interested, and Ted didn’t say otherwise.”

“I understand. We had plans Saturday anyway. However…”  He paused to put his hand on the mouse, wiggling and clicking it. A video appeared on the screen, and he turned the monitor so she could see. “. . . someone on my staff was kind enough to capture your last web cast.”

Kiki gulped. “How nice. It was a good party, right Ted?”

“Oh, look, there’s your friend, Mr. Morrison.” Teddy pointed to Steve who was circulating with his camera. “There to complete his filming, was he?”

“I’m glad you saw what a good turnout we had. Isn’t it great? The house is done, no more web casts. See? I’ve wrapped up the extracurriculars.” She stood and turned the monitor away from her view. “Okay, we’re all set for tonight then? Good!” 

“Wait, Kiki, what about the after party?”

Ted’s voice had an edge she hadn’t heard before.  Her shoulders tightened; she fought to appear nonchalant. “If you call cleanup an after party.” 

Teddy turned the monitor around to show Steve standing at the bottom of the bed, a woman sitting in front of him, her hands on his buttocks, her head bobbing back and forth. “Somebody had an after party.”

Kiki looked away, her blush starting from her toes and spreading over her body. “Oh my God! Who could that have been? Did that really go out on my site?”

“Nice try, Kiki. Next time you want to give a show, you might take off the jewelry.” 

Kiki stared back at the screen; one of the hands squeezing Steve’s bum displayed a large ring. “Shit!” She reached over to turn off the monitor. “Okay, that’s enough. I know how this ends.” She stood with her hands on her hips, defiant in the face of humiliation. “Did you show this to Gene and Peter?”

“Honestly, Katherine, I’m not going to dignify that with an answer.”

“So what did you tell them? Are you yanking the project from Gates/Walsh?”

“No, but Gene is taking over the presentation tonight. You will be there to support, but you will not speak.”

“The hell I will. I’m not going. Let Gene screw it up, he didn’t do the work we did.”

“Gene’s an effective speaker; I have every confidence in him. He’ll be brought up to speed this afternoon. You will be there, Katherine, to lend your support.”

“You just want to use my name! Jesus, Steve was right!”

“Oh, he was, was he? And he’s not using it to sell his film?”

“No, he’s not; my story is just one of the parts.”

“That’s not what his partner represented to us. Apparently a large portion will be devoted to your father and his own extracurricular activities.”

“What are you talking about? You spoke with Michael?”

“Not me, personally, our representative. We’ve branched out into the documentary business.”

Kiki fell silent; the unspoken threat hung in the air. “Go on.”

“You will show up tonight like a good girl. You will smile and nod and if you are asked a question you will keep it simple and to the point.”

“Okay, and in return for that? You’ll keep the backing for his film?”

“I’m not finished, Katherine.” Teddy stood and looked down at her, the power of his stare nailing her to her spot. She meekly nodded. “You will agree never to see Mr. Morrison again, nor to tell anyone of this arrangement.”

“I’ll be out of your lives, what do you care if I do or do not?”

Ted stepped in front of her, his finger in her face. “We mean it, Kiki. See him, and his film will never see the light of day.”

“Oh my God! He’s not to blame here, punish me, not him.”

“Exactly, baby.” Ted held out his hand. “C’mon. Give it.”

Kiki looked at the ring on her finger. Rid of it at last. Yes! She wanted to throw it in his face, but instead slipped it off and handed it to Teddy. “Maybe it’ll be a better fit for the next girl you find for him.” She turned and walked to the door, turning to address them again. “I’ll be by to get my things later.”

“It’s all on the porch. Hurry before the garbage men take everything away.”

Fighting back her tears, she lifted her chin and walked briskly out of the building. She wasn’t going to cry in front of them. She peeled out of the parking spot and hit the highway, speeding through the winding roads until she reached her place. No, not hers. Ted’s place. Her life was in boxes on the porch, but she managed to squeeze it in her trunk, back and front seats. Was that all she had to show after three years? She somehow found her way to her house, fumbled her way to her front porch and sat. There, in the safety of her own house, she began to cry. What was she to do?

~*~

“Goddamn it, Michael, how much are you taking? We gotta be able to find someone who can loan or rent us some of this shit.”

“Will you relax? It’s not that much stuff. Why are you being such an asshole, asshole?”

“I need to pack for myself, still.” Steve looked at his watch. The hearing would be starting in a few minutes and he was still debating whether to go. “And I might go to the Planning Board hearing.”

Michael looked up from his list. “Didn’t you cause enough trouble last time?”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t go. I want to see how it goes, though. It’s on local access, isn’t it?” Steve popped out of his chair and turned on the television.

“Hopeless. You’re hopeless. Two weeks, is it? She’s getting married in two weeks?”

“I’m thinking not.” 

“Oh, fuck, what did you do?” Steve waggled his head back and forth, debating on how to answer. “You nailed her!” Steve shrugged. “You did! Jesus, you’re playing with fire, my friend, I don’t think Junior Moneybags would like that.”

“She’s the one, Michael, even if she doesn’t quite realize it yet.” The look in her eyes the last time he saw her came back to him. She’d get over that embarrassment, he felt. It was a step back, but that was it. If only he wasn’t leaving town! “Do you need me in New York right away? I was thinking it would be good to have more time in the editing room.”

“Right. And a little more time for persuasion too. Forget it, we planned this. We both need to go; one of us needs to keep the pressure up for funding, it won’t fall in our laps like this last one. You can edit just as well in New York. You’ve got the files ready, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I’m bringing them. Shit, am I?” Steve scurried off to the editing room.

“Where’s your head?!” Michael said with a laugh.

Steve checked to see the digital footage was stored and ready to go with him to New York. He’d carry it on the plane himself; he wasn’t going to take the chance of it being lost. When he’d satisfied himself that he’d packed everything, he walked back out in the main studio. “Hey, why didn’t you tell me the hearing had started?”

“Didn’t notice. Must be another permit, I don’t see Kiki.”

“Me neither, although that looks like her project. There’s Pete. Who’s that speaking?” Steve stood directly in front of the screen.

“I don’t know. You’re standing in front of it.”

“I saw him at the last one. I think that’s her boss. What’s going on?” He scanned the background and finally caught a glimpse of her sitting between Ted and Teddy, a big burly guy standing behind. What the fuck was that about?

The phone rang and Michael picked up; it was his wife checking on when he’d be home. When several minutes went by and Kiki still hadn’t taken the podium, he pulled out his phone and sent a text.

“u  k?”

He kept one eye on the phone, and the other on the television, which had turned away from Kiki’s side of the stage. Impatient to hear from her, he resent his message. The agonizing wait was rewarded with the vibration in his hand.

“No”

His eyes went to the screen to see Ted take the phone from her.

“Jesus! Michael, did you see that?” Steve jumped up and pointed at the screen. Michael waved him off, still deep in conversation. “I gotta get there!” Seeing that Michael wasn’t paying attention, he made a quick decision. “Give me the van keys.”

“Hmm? Left something in there?”

“C’mon, c’mon.”

“Okay, just a second, they’re here somewhere.” Michael started looking under papers.

“Just give me the fucking keys!” 

“Here, here!”

Steve grabbed the keys from Michael’s outstretched hand and bounded down the stairs. He didn’t think it would be difficult to make it to City Hall. It was only a mile away, and he’d watched Michael drive the van hundreds of times. He buckled in, put the key in the ignition and started it up. So far, so good. He put his left foot on the brake and the right one on the gas, pressing both to test. He remembered he needed to put it in gear; he depressed the brake pedal, moved the gear shift into drive, then slowly let up on the brake as he stepped on the gas. He slammed on the brakes when the van started to move.

“I can do this. Slow. Slow.” He let up on the break and the van started forward on its own, down the small incline in the parking lot. Emboldened by this small success, he eased into the gas again. He was driving! It was almost a straight shot to City Hall, as long as he didn’t have a stop light or oncoming traffic. Fuck. A light. His hands were shaking and he didn’t dare pick up the phone that was ringing insistently in his pocket. He was beginning to think it would have been faster to run the mile, when he spied the front of City Hall. Parking. Fuck it all, he hadn’t thought of parking. He took his foot off the gas and rolled into a space; the curb helped him slow down enough to stop. Okay, it was halfway onto the sidewalk, but it hadn’t hit anything or anybody. He’d call Michael later to get the van; he had to find her.

When he entered the conference hall, the room was abuzz. The chair of the Planning Board was slamming his gavel down. Steve asked the person next to him what had happened.

“Hal Pembroke asked about the Enright building. He has designs to show, see him at the podium?”

“Holy shit.” 

People began to sit back down and Steve could see Ted talking to Kiki. She was shaking her head vigorously back and forth. Hal started up his presentation from the laptop. The renderings weren’t slick, but they seemed professional, down to the floor layouts and everything. Steve felt his fists ball up in his hands when he saw Ted jump up. Then he pulled out his phone and texted again.

“I’m here.”

He saw her reach for her phone, but Ted put it out of her reach and read the message himself, immediately turning to scan the spectators.

“I’m over here, asshole.” He craned his neck up to make himself more visible, but he couldn’t be seen or heard over the clamor of the audience.

“You see?” Hal Pembroke’s voice broke through. “No street ‘improvements’ at the taxpayers’ expense, the restoration of an historic landmark, and our garden, our community garden, preserved and intact. Why do we need this other vanity project? We don’t!” The crowd started shouting questions, which was met with the sound of the gavel again. Teddy walked calmly from his seat to address everyone.

“We have looked into all the alternatives, and we feel that Duncan Gardens offers the most for the community, Mr. Pembroke.”

“You willing to back that up in court?”

“I’m willing to back that up anywhere,” Teddy said calmly. Steve still couldn’t see Ted and Kiki and started weaving into the crowd to get a better look. Not finding them, he went out into the hallway.

“I swear, Ted, I didn’t give those drawings to anybody but you and your father! You think I’d take that risk after today?”

“Maybe your asshole boyfriend found them, Kiki, ever think of that?”

“Let her go!” Steve started to charge, but Kiki stood between them.

“This is my battle, Steve. Let me fight it.”

“Nothing to fight, I gave the drawings to the Pembroke.” Everyone turned to the sound of a fourth voice.

“Peter? You? Why? You’ve worked as hard as I have on this project.”

He nodded to the chaos erupting in the conference hall. “It’s a travesty, all of it. And I don’t want to work on it any more.”

Gene Walsh stepped into view, his arms crossed. “And you won’t. Both of you. Done. Schedule a time with human resources.”

“There, so let go of me!” Kiki wrested herself away from Ted’s grasp and stood by her friend. “Jesus, Peter.”

“It’s okay, Kiki, I had to do it.” Kiki nodded and hugged her friend, then gave Ted a frightened look before leading Peter down the hallway. Steve trotted behind.

“Kiki, wait up.”

“Peter and I are going home; it’s been a long day.” She gave Steve another look. “Good luck in New York.”

“What do you mean? I came here for you. I drove.”

“You drove here? Steve, that was crazy. You didn’t have to do that.” Why was she acting so cold to him? She should be in his arms.

“Kiki-cat, c’mon, you can be with me now.”

She turned and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Steve. Everything that’s happened . . . I need some time. I can’t be with anybody. I know you’ve waited for me, but I’m sorry. I’m no good to anyone, I can’t love . . . “  Her eyes held his; they were brimming with tears, “. . . anyone. Go to New York; get back out there, don’t wait for me any more.”

“But babe, I love you!”

“Yeah.” She gulped and met his gaze. “But I don’t love you.” Her voice caught in her throat, and she ran out into the street. Steve ran after her, but all he saw was his van hooked to a tow truck.

“No, no, wait!” He called out after her, but only the police officer standing next to the tow truck answered.

“This yours?” The policeman asked. When Steve answered in the affirmative, he held out his hand. “License and registration, please.”

“Just a minute, I have to go after her! It’s important!” Steve pleaded with the cop, but he would have none of it. “Okay, wait, let me make a phone call.” Steve said sheepishly. Michael showed up shortly and, happily for Steve, was able to talk the cop out of arresting him, convincing him Steve would be leaving the state and wouldn’t drive ever again. The cop laughed about Steve being someone else’s problem, handed him a whopping fine, and let him go.

Kiki was long gone. He tried reaching her through Pete, but he said they’d parted for the evening. Without her phone, he wasn’t sure how to reach her. Michael drove him back to his, insisting that he pack. He spent all night packing and was in a trance all through the cab ride to the airport, barely saying two words to Michael or his wife when he checked in at the terminal. He took his seat on the plane and stared out the window, trying to make out Kiki’s house from the sky. It was hopeless. His heart ached and he knew he’d never feel right again until he was able to hold her and talk to her. What had happened? How could he have misread her so?

Chapter Ten 

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