This is a work of fiction, using characters from the film, “Proof of Life”.  No insult or invasion of privacy or infringement of copyright is intended. The story is for readers over the age of 18 only, and contains adult language. The writer is not responsible for any "discomfort" caused to the reader by this language and these situations.

Full Length Of The River

©2008 by: Darrin

Chapter Nineteen

Things moved quickly, but in that slow, molassesly thick way that inexorable events take on when you’re not in control of them.  Terry found himself in the middle of everything, answering questions which almost felt like an interrogation of sorts while trying desperately to hang onto Stephanie’s hand at every step of the way.  This was massively different from when she’d been brought into the Ontario hospital.  No care was taken that she not be frightened in any way and he was treated like a concerned friend instead of the man in charge of this woman’s care.

Dan arrived just a very few minutes after the ambulance delivered Steph to the ER and conferred with the doctor assigned to the case.  Once she was hooked up to the meds required, she was transferred up to the psych ward, per Dan’s instructions and so it was a few hours later, Terry finally found himself alone with her, holding her hand and still whispering to her to please come back to him.  He could hear Dan speaking with the ER doc out in the hallway and knew that in a few minutes he’d come into the room and tell him what the hell was going on.  He hoped with that came the instructions on how to get her well again too.

That’s when Steph opened her eyes.

“Steph?  Stephanie, you’re awake!”  Stephanie continued to stare straight ahead, not acknowledging Terry in any way.  “Steph?  Sweetheart?”  Terry’s heart was trip hammering in his chest  and his gut tightened in the same way it had that night in Chechnya when they’d rescued their cargo and found they were rescuing a body, but not the mind that should have been with it.  “Steph… no…” Terry whispered and then felt the hand on his shoulder.

“Terry, she’s not able to respond… Not yet anyway.  But keep talking to her.  We’ll reach her, I promise.  She’s catatonic.  Everything that’s happened to her has finally caught up.”

Terry dropped his head to where he had hold of her hand and breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm down.  This had always been a possibility that he’d simply ignored but now was here.  The trauma in her life had finally overwhelmed her strength.

“We were so close,” Terry said, “so close… Did she rush it?  I should have made her wait, Christ, why didn’t I make her wait?”

“Terry, you can’t beat yourself up about this.  Yes, maybe it was the rush, but this has been waiting to happen since you found her, any number of innocuous things could have brought her to this point.  She’s been through a severe series of events and we simply have to treat this the best we can.  And as long as we agree on a few things, you’ll be able to take her home and care for her there until she comes back to us.”

“And she will come back, won’t she?”

“I don’t see anything indicating this is a permanent condition.  I think with the right protocols, you’ll get her back and soon.  You’re absolutely the right person for her right now and I have every confidence that she’ll come back.”

Terry looked to Stephanie and gently caressed her cheek.  She didn’t react to his touch at all, making Terry’s heart ache.  “So what do we do, doc?” he asked.

“First, I’m gonna work with her doctor here to make sure she’s stable and that this is the only thing we need to be concerned about.  Then you and I will work out a detailed list of all you’ll need to take her home and what you’ll need to do each day and night.  Then it’s playing the waiting game.”

“Waiting for her to remember I’m here,” Terry said softly.

“Yes,” Dan replied, just as softly.  “You and Stephanie have got a tough road ahead of you, Terry.  But from what I’ve seen, you’ll do just fine.”

Terry smiled, felt Dan pat his shoulder and heard him leave, never taking his eyes off Stephanie’s far away stare.  “Babygirl, you heard the doc.  I’m gonna bring you back, I promise.”  He’d made so many promises to Stephanie but none as important to this one.  He felt the ring against the palm of his hand and smiled, feeling a lump in his throat.  “I promise, Stephanie,” he whispered again.

Over the course of the next few hours, Stephanie would respond to the drugs Dan and the doctor had agreed upon, only to return to her catatonia as they wore off.  Terry’s hopes rose and fell with each treatment and by the time Dino arrived, he was exhausted.  Not even Dino could convince him to get some rest, though.  He stayed at Stephanie’s side throughout the night, holding her hand and talking to her whenever he woke up from the restless only minutes-long naps his body forced on him.

In the morning, a nurse brought in breakfast for them, showing Terry how to get her to eat.  Between Dino and Terry they got her fed and cleaned up a little, in time for Dan’s return, to go over what was needed.

Terry worked with Dan, getting a nursing service hired and renting the equipment needed to be installed in her room.  Dino left in the afternoon to help get that set up and Terry contacted Maggie bringing her up to speed on what was happening.  By the next morning, Terry was comfortable enough with all the procedures, the people who would be helping with Steph and was ready to get her checked out.  They headed home, Stephanie safely seat-belted in the back seat.  Dino drove and Terry watched her from the passenger seat for any signs of life in her beautiful brown but listless eyes.

They arrived at Terry’s building, the doorman getting all the doors open when he saw who had arrived.  Maggie must have briefed him, Terry thought.  Leaving Dino to take care of the car and the doorman to help with their things, Terry leaned into the back seat and undid Stephanie’s seatbelt.

“Home, babygirl.  Come on.”  He held out his arms, hoping she’d react.  Dan had said to keep prompting her for her own reactions before doing something for her.  Once or twice she’d managed something on her own before needing help, like reaching for her spoon, or picking up her glass for a drink, but she had yet to react to an oblique request such as this.

Terry’s heart soared and his grin stretched across his face as Steph’s arms raised, allowing Terry to pull her to him.  When her arms and legs wrapped around him tightly, he laughed out loud, Dino joining him.

“That’s my sweet sheila,” Terry said through his laughter.

“All right, Princess, did good,” Dino added.

Steph laid her head on Terry’s shoulder but did not react further.  “One step at a time, babygirl, we’ll get there,” Terry whispered to her.

Up in his flat, Terry greeted the nurse already there and Maggie came from the kitchen, helping him settle her on the couch.  Terry fetched her bear and put it into her hand, watching closely for another reaction.  Her fingers closed around it and he fancied he saw a slight smile light up her eyes for a brief second, but that was it.  Still, every positive reaction Terry made a note of, compiling a mental list he’d transcribe at the end of the day after she went to sleep.  Dan thought it would be a good way to mark her progress, forward or backward and Terry was determined that every little reaction was a step forward, needing to be reported.

The nurse helped set Stephanie’s meds up and told Terry they would try as best they could to keep the staff helping at night to the same rotation to help Stephanie develop a routine.  Terry, Dino and Maggie would be caring for her during the day, a nurse coming in each night to monitor her while she slept and to allow Terry to sleep.  Terry was doubtful he would, but knew it would be best for Steph to have around the clock surveillance.

Maggie stayed for the afternoon to help out, getting lunch ready and helping Steph feed herself while Terry and Dino ate and discussed what needed doing with this sudden change in their plans.

When they’d gone over the logistics of Terry continuing working at home but with possible highly limited time and doing an overview of their open projects, Dino sat back and took a long draught from his beer, eying his partner.

“Ter, you know you need to keep yourself healthy for her, but I’ll say it anyway.  Sleep, eat, exercise.  You have to take care of you so you can take care of her.”

Terry sighed deeply.  “I know, mate.  I’ll do my best, but she comes first.”

Dino nodded but Terry saw the firm look in his eyes and knew Maggie would be after him as well.  He’d do what he could, but he had no intention of not doing as much for Stephanie as he could.  That was just all there was to it.

Dino took off after lunch, heading over to FAO Schwarz with a list of puzzles and games Dan had prescribed to keep Stephanie’s mind stimulated.  Terry went through his books, picking out a couple to read to her in the evenings, making sure they were ones that he knew well enough to be able to stop at cliff-hangers so she might react to wanting more.  When Dino returned, they played a few of the simple puzzles, which resulted in a few positive responses, but more so than not, Terry and Dino completed them for her.

Dino took off after dinner, reminding Terry to get some sleep, just as Maggie had when she’d left.  He assured them he would do his best.  Once alone with his sheila, he took her into the guest bathroom and drew her a bath, settling her in easily enough but with no reaction whatsoever.  However shortly after, she began rocking and making a small, needy noise.

“What do you need, babygirl?” Terry asked, recognizing what Dan had told him might occur as her only way of communicating.  The sound coming from her throat increased slightly in volume, but no words followed.  “I can’t get it for you if you don’t tell me, luv,” Terry responded firmly but gently.

Still staring straight ahead and rocking back and forth, Stephanie reached out a hand and very determinedly tugged at Terry’s arm.  Terry chuckled.

“Okay sweetheart.  Just a sec.”  She continued rocking, but the noise stopped as he undressed and then slid into the bath behind her, holding her about her waist and kissing the top of her head.  “I love you, too, Stephanie,” he whispered to her as she stopped rocking and settled back against him.  He washed her slowly, rinsed them both off and then got them both dried off.  Whenever he’d stop touching her to take care of himself she’d begin rocking again, her face reflecting her need of him, despite the vacant stare that seemed not to include him or anything else.  But he took it as a very positive sign.

He got himself into shorts and a t-shirt then sat her on her bed, getting her pajamas on and then taking her back out to the living room to watch a film before the night nurse arrived and it would be time to read to Steph and settle her in for the night.  During the movie, he watched her more than the telly, noting her reactions, though they were few and far between.

Promptly at ten, the night nurse arrived, introducing herself as Patricia O’Connor, but insisting he call her Patty.  She was a sweet little thing who Terry liked immediately.  She efficiently took care of Steph’s meds for the night and helping Terry get her into bed and hooking her up to the monitor.  Then Terry began the book he’d chosen, The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, figuring that it was exciting enough, but wouldn’t mess with her subconscious in a negative way.  He left off just as the children hid in the closet and discovered the magical world and watched Stephanie as he explained he’d continue the story the following night.

Her eyes focused on him for a brief second.  He smiled at her and caressed her face, kissing her mouth just as her stare returned to its vacant state.  Not too long after, Steph’s eyes slowly closed and Patty confirmed she’d sleep the rest of the night.  Terry went out to the living room to complete his report of the day’s reactions and then returned to take up the vigil with Patty.  He’d had one of the recliners moved into Steph’s room knowing he’d want to rest there with her.  Patty had taken up her station in a chair on the other side, already settled herself with a book.  And so the day finally ended.

The next day began an uneasy routine Terry didn’t want to get used to.  Patty left after getting her set up for the day as far as meds and unhooking her from the monitors went.  Maggie arrived shortly after and did her household chores while Terry helped Stephanie shower and dress for the day, doing the same for himself.  Again, whenever he left her side or wasn’t touching her somehow, she’d sit and rock back and forth, occasionally making that little needy noise he was getting used to.  Then he would stop whatever he was doing, sit holding her on his lap for a few minutes until she calmed and then returned to what he’d been doing.

Maggie surprised the hell out of him, bringing a notebook filled with pictures of food for Stephanie to show them what she wanted to eat.  She explained she’d once worked in a home with an autistic child and this was how they’d  communicated.  She’d kept the book, never knowing if it would come in handy again.  Terry watched with fascination as Maggie turned the pages in the brekkie section, waiting patiently for Stephanie to point to a picture until she had an entire menu.  She set about making what Steph wanted and they were rewarded with a small smile when her plate was put in front of her.  Indeed, Steph actually fed herself without help for a good portion of the meal, making Terry laugh out loud again.

The rest of the morning was then spent taking a short walk to the Park and back, then puzzles and games, Terry noting any improvement.  As expected, Stephanie excelled at any mathematical games, completing several Sudoku puzzles in record time.  The only difficulty came in getting her to focus on any task.  Terry knew that this was the vital reason behind the games and puzzles; if left, Stephanie would simply succumb to the catatonia, leaving the world and Terry behind.  Terry was determined that would not happen, knowing Steph did not want that any more than he did.  She was simply stuck somewhere she didn’t want to be, but just like when he’d found her, she couldn’t find her way back and he needed to find her again.

Next order of the routine was lunch, picked out the same way as brekkie.  Maggie had brooked no argument that she extend her normal hours working for Terry to help with Steph and Terry stopped making mental notes and rang his bank to increase the monthly amount paid to Maggie on the spot, Maggie blushing furiously and telling him it wasn’t necessary, with no success.

After lunch, Maggie did a final clean up and then Terry and Steph were on their own for the rest of the day and night until 10pm when the night nurse would arrive to put Steph to bed.  At first Terry didn’t know what they would do, thinking perhaps more puzzle and games, but Stephanie showed no interest.  Wracking his brains for something to occupy her with, he tried taking her back out to the Park, this time with her camera.  That did the trick and afternoons were spent taking pictures, with Terry keeping an eye on her from the blanket he’d set up under a tree.  During the course of this time, Terry was in no uncertain terms “told” by Steph that the blanket had to be under the same tree every time.  This happened the second day, when Terry set up under a different tree, but Steph walked over to the “proper” tree and sat, rocking back and forth until Terry brought the blanket over to where she was, chuckling all the while.  She might not be wholly present, but she was still his sweet yet stubborn sheila.

Once they were set, Stephanie would take pictures for a couple of hours, as Terry caught up a little on work emails and keeping an eye on her.  It was fascinating to watch her perform this activity while in this state.  She would stand and seemingly appear to look at nothing, the now-familiar vacant stare occupying her face.  Then the camera would slowly be raised and she’d click off several shots, only to stare again.  It was like watching a blind man take photographs, as if she was feeling the picture form, instead of seeing it.  The resulting photos had that air of randomness also… That is until they got home.  Steph would sit on the blanket when she was done and Terry would know it was time to take her back to the flat.

Once there, they’d then work together getting the digital files onto her laptop and she’d sort them and place them into albums.  After a few days of this, Terry discovered that the random nature of the pictures actually had a purpose.  In point of fact it wasn’t the pictures that mattered as much as their organization afterwards, making him chuckle as she concentrated on putting them together in sometimes mysterious configurations.  He’d play a game with her, divining the purpose of the album and when he guessed correctly, she would get what Terry fancied was a fleeting look of satisfaction before she began working on the next album.  Almost every time, it was some mathematical theme.

Then she’d pick out dinner the same way she picked out lunch and brekkie.  Terry would set her up on a stool in the kitchen while he put together the meal she’d chosen, again needing to stop what he was doing when she’d get lonely.  The noises would begin and he’d turn to find her feet up on the stool, rocking back and forth, staring straight ahead of her.  But the expression on her face was that of abject loneliness.

He could imagine what she was feeling, he’d been there for years before finding his sheila.  It didn’t matter having Dino and the few sheilas he’d dated semi-regularly, at the end of the day, his flat had only had him living in it.  And now Stephanie, though surrounded by people who loved her, was all alone in a place that had come crashing down around her when she’d faced the horrors of what had happened to her in Minnesota with Terry’s ring on her finger.  It was something Terry had realized when he thought about what had caused her condition.  Despite all her strength, despite surviving everything thrown at her, she hadn’t been able to reconcile past and present.  She might have been able to with the right preparation, but as Dan had indicated, the rush to “get it out of the way” had been the wrong choice.  Terry didn’t blame Stephanie for that any more than he could blame her for getting kidnapped.  No one should have to go through what she had gone through and she had absolutely every right to want to move on.  It was simply a mistake and Terry thanked fuck that she had him to help her through the aftermath.

So he’d hold his sheila until the noises stopped, until her face cleared and then kiss the top of her head and settle her back on the stool, returning to making dinner for the two of them and getting her fed.

After, they’d end the day in front of the telly with a movie she’d decide on standing in front of his DVD-laden shelves and pointing.  Terry wasn’t completely sure if she was really watching the movie or just enjoying being on his lap but in either case, she relaxed and they would end their day together quietly.

Days turned into weeks.  During this time, Stephanie would improve by great leaps and bounds, only to take a huge step backwards, spending hours on end staring into space, not acknowledging Terry at all.  On the days when Dan would stop by to see how she was doing, trying to continue their sessions with little success, he and Terry would confer, going over Terry’s notes and discussing other activities to try and get Stephanie to return from her catatonic state.

Dan insisted Terry take regular breaks from being Stephanie’s 24/7 caregiver.  So Terry would have Maggie work with Steph on her puzzles in the mornings while he went for a run.  It occurred to him that he hadn’t ever been away from Stephanie since he’d rescued her.  But he recognized the value of these morning runs, helping to clear his head and organize his thoughts.  It helped to refresh him for the rest of the day ahead and it got him a sweet snuggle when he returned home to Stephanie who despite her inability to communicate, still managed to say “I love you,” as much and as best as she could.

And so they went on, each day the same as the one before, highs and lows and in betweens.  Terry was certain that something would come to him to help return her to him, something only he could provide.  And soon enough, he had an idea.

After the third week, Terry decided on a change in their routine and told Dan what he wanted to do.  Dan agreed, with certain conditions and that night, Terry told Patty she would still be needed, but that he would be taking Stephanie into the main bedroom to sleep, wanting Patty nearby just in case the night did not go well.

As he led Steph into their bedroom, he felt her tighten his hand in hers.  He turned to her and saw her once again actually focusing on him.  It was brief but it was much more definite than anything he’d seen before, so he let go of her hand and held his arms out to her.

She came to him voluntarily and he lifted her up, grinning as her arms and legs wrapped around his body.

“Feels so good when you do that, babygirl.  I know you’re in there then.  Know you’re trying.”  He felt her lay her head on his shoulder, face against his neck this time and he closed the door, taking her to their bed.

He dressed her in her pj’s, wearing shorts and a t-shirt again for himself.  As he dressed, she drew her legs up against her chest and began rocking, the soft little moans coming from her throat until he was able to join her and pull the covers up over both of them, spooning in behind her and wrapping his arms around her, his hand smoothing familiarly over her breast.  She tensed up at first, but when he shh’d her, telling her he loved her, she quieted.

He kissed her temple and whispered to her.  “No reading tonight, luv.  Instead I’m going to tell you a story that I think you’ll like.”  Steph lay unmoving, but Terry continued on anyway.  “Once upon a time, there was a bloke and a sheila who needed each other desperately but didn’t know how to find each other.  The sheila had to go through some horrible experiences and the bloke was very lonely.  Then one day, it happened that the bloke was sent to find a different sheila but found his special sheila instead.  And they fell in love.  He promised her he would always love her and always care for her, but the horrible things got to be too much for her and she lost her way.  That was okay though.  Cuz the bloke knew the way and he kept hold of her hand until she returned to him.”

Terry kissed Stephanie’s temple again.  “She does come back, luv.  No cliffhanger tonight.  She comes back because there’s nothing in the world that can keep her from him.  Anything that tries is defeated because they love each other so much.”

Terry felt and heard a long sigh from Stephanie and smiled.  He closed his eyes and held his sheila until he fell asleep.

In the morning, Terry was woken by Steph’s “I-need-you” noises as he called them, sitting up beside him and rocking back and forth.  Only instead of staring sightlessly in front of her, he found her gaze directly on him, seeing him.  He sat up immediately and pulled her into his arms.  She went silent, snuggling into his embrace.

“Shh, babygirl, I’m here.  Sorry I overslept.  I guess I needed a night of holding you to sleep properly.”

He grinned as she nodded.  So far, so good.  She was coming back, he could feel it.  He had more changes for her, ones requiring her interaction, but he was hopeful they’d work.

At brekkie, after showering and dressing, Terry had Maggie bring the book but before she opened it, he tipped Steph’s face to his and waited until he had her attention.

“Steph, instead of just pointing, I want you to say the word.”  She looked confused and a little scared.  “I know, babygirl, I know you don’t think you’re ready to talk yet, but this isn’t talking.  This is just telling Maggie the name of the picture.  Easy, right?”  Steph looked doubtful and her gaze faded away from him right before his eyes.  It was what he’d seen in the closet before she’d passed out.  She simply “left”.  He caressed her cheek again until she focused once more.  “Come on, sweetheart.  Just point and then say the word.  I know you can do it.”

In a heart-wrenching recall of when he’d first found her, her bottom lip began to tremble and tears filled her eyes.  She shook her head and pulled back from him, drawing her legs up onto the chair against her chest and began to rock.  The sounds she made this time were her, “I’m-scared,” noises that Terry also recognized.  These were rare, but he knew the difference and sighed, resigned but determined to at least get her to try.

“Please, Stephanie?  Just one.  You can just point to the rest, but say one of them out loud for me.  Okie dokie?”  Stephanie looked up at him slowly, resting her cheek on her knees and sighed.  Maggie tchh’d her tongue and opened the book.  Terry found himself holding his breath.

Stephanie raised her head and pointed at the eggs.  “Eggs it is, I’ll scramble them for you, just as you like, dear,” Maggie said softly, “can you tell me that?  ‘Scrambled eggs, please, Maggie’?”

Steph shook her head and pointed to the bacon.

“Tell Maggie, luv.  Tell her what that is.  Dunno if she can quite see that.”  Terry chuckled, hoping to lighten the exercise.

Steph shook her head again and pointed to the toast.  Terry caught Maggie’s wink and let her take this one.

“Ah, some lovely rye bread with lots of hearty grains on top,” Maggie said, referring to Steph and Terry’s absolute abhorrence for the healthy choice in bread.  “Nice and burnt, right?  That’s how you like it, I’m sure.”

Stephanie shook her head, wide-eyed.

“But that’s how I want to make it, dear, you tell me how you’d like it and that’s what I’ll make.  Otherwise you’re getting burnt rye.”

Stephanie took in a little gasp and blurted out, “White!” then clamped her mouth shut as if she couldn’t believe she’d spoken.

Maggie laughed with Terry’s sudden guffaw and kissed Steph’s cheek, ducking out of the way just in time as Terry gathered Steph up into his arms.

“THAT’S my sheila.  I knew you could do it!  White toast, Maggie, with the butter all melted just like Stephanie loves.  Right, babygirl?”

Steph looked bewildered but nodded, looking to Terry as if she wasn’t quite sure what she’d just done to deserve all this affection.

But Terry knew.  She’d just taken a huge step towards him from wherever it was she’d gone.

Chapter Twenty