This is a work of fiction, using characters from the film, “Proof of Life”.  No insult or invasion of privacy or infringement of copyright is intended. The story is for readers over the age of 18 only, and contains adult language. The writer is not responsible for any "discomfort" caused to the reader by this language and these situations.

Full Length Of The River

©2008 by: Darrin

Chapter Sixteen

It ended up being one of the longest nights Terry had ever lived through.  Not long after he’d gotten into bed with her, Stephanie sat up with a loud cry and ran for the bathroom, tearing herself out of Terry’s embrace forcefully.  He followed close behind and managed to grab her hair in time as she bent over the toilet and was ill again.  As there was nothing in her stomach but the sugar-water from earlier, it turned into long minutes of dry-heaving until she finally sat back leaning against Terry’s knees as he reached awkwardly for a flannel and wet it then wiped her face gently.

“Shh, babygirl, I’m right here, it’s okay.”  This was becoming his litany to her and was making him feel more and more helpless each time he said it.

Stephanie just huddled against him, holding onto him like a life preserver, Terry feeling as if he was that for her, psychologically at least.

He brushed her hair back from her face, repeating his words to her, helping her calm down.  Finally she seemed to be calmer and he whispered, “How much do you remember, sweetheart?”

“Dunno…” she answered in a flat, emotionless voice, “all of it?  I don’t know.  I know I was born Jasmine Stephens.  I know I was raped in a home invasion and saw… saw…”  She trailed off and Terry didn’t know if he should prompt her or not.  He didn’t need to.  “They killed my family.  They would have killed me too but the phone rang.  The phone rang and they stopped and the tall one… He… hit me… I passed out.  When I came to they were gone.  I called 911.  I don’t remember getting to the phone though.  I remember the arrest… I remember court…  I remember changing my name, coming to Manhattan… I remember getting a flyer for the bar, to come see the band and the drummer’s name… Stephen… Jasper.  I don’t know.  It made me feel more… Real.  Made me feel like I could be Stephanie.

“But I was scared, T, I was still so scared of it all… Living, being alive, I couldn’t understand why I was alive.  And then the cruise and oh God, the camp, the only way I could survive was to be Stephanie because to be Jasmine would mean that I had been destined to always be a victim and I couldn’t… I couldn’t be that.  I won’t be that not for anyone and they did things to me, T, they did things to me and I remember after the first week, I remember losing Jasmine because it was the only way and I would play this game with myself in the hut, I would make a whole history for myself because I didn’t have one now, I didn’t have Jasmine, I only had an empty slate that I could write anything I wanted to and sometimes I was a kidnapped heiress and sometimes I was a slave girl and sometimes I was… was… just an unlucky girl.  But always, always there was someone who was looking for me, because I had to believe that, I had to believe you were coming for me or I would just fade away and then Daphne came and they put her in the hut with me and when they did, T, they weren’t supposed to, the guy, the look on his face when he saw I was in there already, T, I was supposed to be dead already, but I’d survived and they… they liked what they had with me, I didn’t fight, oh God, I didn’t fight them I just let them do those things to me and how could I do that?  How could I let them?  And Daphne, she would tell me it was okay that I did and to stay strong that we’d be rescued because her brother would rescue us and then they… they killed her and T, I think it was because her brother was demanding to speak with her and they knew she’d tell about me, oh God, T, I got her killed, her mother was right if it wasn’t for me she’d be alive, I shouldn’t be alive and that’s what happened, after Daph was killed and I saw it, I saw it through a crack in the hut, they shot her and buried her in the field behind the hut and then the one who liked me best, he came and took me and after… he had burned me and told me never to speak to anyone again and that’s when… I began to lose hope, I wanted to die, I stopped eating and knew I’d die and I was ready and then… then…”

Terry let out the breath he hadn’t known he was holding and kissed her temple.  “I found you, Stephanie.”

“Yes,” she whispered back and collapsed against him, fresh tears running down her cheeks as her body was wracked with sobs.

Terry held her, gently caressing her hair and face, heart pounding in time with hers.  She really had remembered everything, though it was certainly all still jumbled in her mind as one long tortuous event.  He understood better now why Dan had let the two of them have this time before they began the healing process.  Stephanie needed to feel free to release the information she’d been hiding from herself without any expectations of trying to make sense of it all and she could only feel able to do that if she trusted completely who she was telling.  Dan had recognized that that person was Terry.  He was the only one who would simply hear what she was saying with no questions.  That required a huge amount of trust on both sides and Terry and Stephanie already had that with each other.

This was the real reason it had been he who found her.  It wasn’t just that he could take care of her needs, it was that he would.  Terry nodded to himself.  He would and no one would be able to pull them apart, ever.  That’s what she needed, to know he would stay with her no matter what and she knew she could trust that about him, because he’d found her when she’d been at the lowest point of her life… And had fallen in love with her.  It was something they’d both needed.  She needed someone to love her but know all of this about her and he needed someone who would let him care for her to the extraordinary level he had to be able to do so.  Terry Thorne hadn’t just “taken up the veil” because he was good at his job, nor had he because Eleanor had left him no choice after the divorce but to immerse himself into the job and forget everything he’d been through with her.  No, Terence Thorne had become one with the job, cared about it and done it well to the exclusion of all else, because it would let him.  Terry needed to be needed.  And Stephanie needed him and always would.

He didn’t care if that wasn’t healthy or proved his previously denied “saviour complex”.  All he knew was that he and Stephanie were meant for each other.

Things do happen for a reason, he thought and kissed the top of Stephanie’s head.

“Want to go back to bed, sweetheart?” Terry asked softly.  Stephanie tightened her hold on him and nodded.  He helped her rinse her mouth out and then carried her back to their bed and gathered her up close to him again.  It wasn’t long before she was asleep again and Terry followed soon after.  But it didn’t last.

They spent the night sleeping and waking every half hour or so, sometimes with Stephanie simply needing to reassure herself he was still there to full-blown nightmare-induced scream attacks that brought Dino into the room.  It was a long night but they got through it and finally got up when Maggie arrived to make them brekkie.

She insisted on making Terry a proper English breakfast complete with fried tomatoes and kippers at least once a week and today was the day.  Since Dino was there, she made flapjacks too.  After hearing what they had gone through she made Stephanie her famous banana fritters from her South African great-grandmother’s recipe – Nana’s nana fritters – and clucked about like a mother hen, helping to nurse the sleep-deprived trio.  The dark circles under Stephanie’s eyes made her shake her head and mutter, “Poor wee lamb,” under her breath which Terry caught once or twice and it was no surprise when Maggie insisted Stephanie try and nap a little once they’d had their fill.  That Steph had hardly touched her food was of great concern to Maggie but she didn’t press the issue, just wrapped everything up with explicit instructions to Terry that he feed her.

Dino took off soon after brekkie, there wasn’t a whole lot of chatter between the two men, their looks to each other said pretty much everything.  Dino wanted to gut the monsters who had brought “his princess” to this point and Terry was ready to give the okay to do just that.  They quietly discussed how the operation would proceed, ending with Dino once more asking about Minnesota and Terry once more not quite ready to go that far.  It was the death row thing for him.  They were already scheduled to die.  Having been a soldier, he wasn’t prepared to have any more blood on his hands than was already there.  They would die.  And by all reports soon.  Let them, was his philosophy.  Stephanie didn’t need more reminders and even doing it on the sly… Someday she might find out.  Terry didn’t want that for her more than he did want to kill them or at least have them killed.

The South American splinter group, however, was a completely different matter and Dino’s plan was coming together.  He’d be flying out to Los Angeles the following morning, meeting up with David and the rest of the crew he’d put together and then they were on.

So it was that around ten Thursday morning, Terry and Stephanie were alone.  Steph looking much the worse for wear and Terry feeling the lack of sleep as well.  They were sitting on the couch, Stephanie wrapped around Terry, head resting on his shoulder.  He hoped she’d sleep a little.  His mind wandered as he stroked her hair away from her face, rubbing her back and kissing her now and then when she’d shift her position to his other shoulder.  An hour passed as they both dozed fitfully.  Finally, Terry thought of something he hoped would cheer her up.

“We’ve got three hours until our appointment with Doc Dan, luv.  How about we go to the park and take some pictures?  We could both use the fresh air and distraction.  Whaddaya reckon?”

Stephanie thought for the longest time and Terry was almost afraid she’d say no when at last she nodded and sat back up from his chest with a small smile.  “I’m very lucky you found me, T,” she whispered.

He cupped her cheek against his palm and returned her smile.  “No, luv, I’m the lucky one.  I got you.”

Her eyes filled with both love and tears, she kissed him gently and held him close.  His arms wrapped around her tightly and for a long moment they sat together, everything else suspended.

Without saying anything, they separated slowly and got ready to go out.  Stephanie got her camera case and Terry went into the kitchen, finding the food Maggie had left for them, packing a cooler with it and some drinks so they could have a little picnic.

They walked up to the park, found a spot and spent the time just being two people who had nothing else to care about but each other.  Stephanie, hesitant at first, then relaxing into the activity, began photographing anything that took her fancy.  Terry watched her, enjoying seeing her doing something completely normal without any apparent care in the world.  He thought about how they would forge a life together, move past all this horror in her life… And realized he had his own horrors he lived with every day.  He remembered numerous occasions when he’d skirted the issue when asked what he did.  He remembered the death that had surrounded him and the lives he’d taken himself.  He wondered about maybe sharing some of it with Stephanie, bring her into his life as much as he was in hers.  Together, they could survive each other’s horrors.  Be stronger for it, mutually scarred as they were.  Some men were born to be soldiers, but that didn’t mean they were untouched by what they had done because of it.  He’d never completely shared himself with any woman, not Eleanor, not Alice, no one.  Maybe that was what he saw in Stephanie.  Her ability to know what he knew and still love him.

When Stephanie took a break, they ate.  Her appetite was little improved, but she did her best.  Maggie would likely make a whole loaf of french toast tomorrow morning in the hopes of her eating better.  They packed up and returned the camera bag and cooler to Terry’s flat and then headed back out for the walk to Dan’s building.  Stephanie looked surprised when Terry didn’t hail a cab but didn’t question him.

On the way, Terry took her into a jeweler’s under the pretense of needing his watch’s battery changed.  While they waited, Terry maneuvered her over to where there were rings and pendants and bracelets, watching when her eyes would light up.  Then he’d insist she try it on, sneaking in a right-hand ring finger sizing and making a mental note.  When she actually giggled at how pretty a ring with a deep blue sapphire looked on her finger, he smiled and when she wasn’t looking, slipped the bloke his credit card, reminding him of the ring size and getting a whispered date when it would be ready.

Being good at covert ops has its upside, he chuckled to himself.  He collected his watch and then they were on their way again to see the doc.  Terry’s heart was beating fast and he had to keep reminding himself it was just a promise ring and that they weren’t a normal couple.  Most couples spent weeks, even months getting to this point.  But he’d been with his sheila 24/7 since he’d found her.  Naturally things had progressed faster for them.  All he cared about was making her his and he was on a determined path now to do so, whatever it took.

At the office, Dan greeted them both soon after they’d checked in with the receptionist and once they’d settled into his office, Stephanie and Terry on the couch and Dan in a chair near them, Dan asked them how the night had gone.

“Rough,” Terry answered.

“Did you try taking any of the sleeping pills?”

“No,” Steph answered.  “I kept getting sick…  I would’ve thrown them up anyway.”

“I understand.  Your memories are more than overwhelming, Stephanie.  It’s no surprise you’re reacting to them so violently.  What I’d like to help you do is compartmentalize them.  Take one thing at a time and help you work through everything that’s happened.  Make it more manageable.”

“Okay,” Steph replied.  She rested her head on Terry’s shoulder and sighed deeply.  “I’m tired of being afraid all the time.  But mostly I’m scared I’ll become angry and bitter.  I don’t want that.  I just want to forget it all.”

Terry kissed the top of her head as Dan spoke in reply.  “Well, I can understand that too, Stephanie, but the trouble is I’ve had patients who wanted the same thing and it never works.  It’s a part of you.  I want to help make it a part you can accept.  Then moving on is a choice.  Trying to completely exorcize it… From experience, what can happen then is that it sits in your mind and every now and then it demands to be fed attention, usually with devastating results.  You’ve got a unique situation here with Terry and I think with his help we’ll be able to get you to a place where you can get on with your life, not be mired in your past.  Would you like to work on that with me?”

Stephanie turned to Terry and he smiled down at her upturned face.  “I want what you want, babygirl,” he said softly and she kissed his mouth softly.

“Okay,” she answered.  Dan smiled.

The rest of the session was spent going over what she remembered.  Dan made extensive notes as Stephanie spoke, stopping her when she went too fast past something he felt was important or glossing over details he needed her to articulate.  Terry sat quietly with one arm around her shoulders, the other hand gently playing with her fingers as she spoke quietly of first the home invasion then the camp.  At the times when it would all become too much, Stephanie would bury her face against Terry’s chest, then Dan would fall silent and Terry would take over, cuddling her to him, kissing her gently as she cried.  When she was able to go on, Dan picked up the reins again.  Terry liked it, this in tandem way they developed easily.  He made a mental note to send Ben a thank you email.  Dan was indeed exactly what Stephanie needed.

At the end of the session, Dan told them he would like to see her three times a week, Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays and that for their first session next week he would have a guide ready to begin filling in all the blanks and discuss the events with her.  The plan appealed to Terry’s orderly nature and it seemed to him that Stephanie was liking it for the same reason.  Must be the accountant in her, he thought with a smile.

So the two of them headed home, this time taking a cab.  At Terry’s flat, Stephanie and he opened up their respective laptops and while Stephanie worked on her pictures she’d taken earlier, Terry went through his emails and then got Dino on the phone, moving into the dining room where he could still keep an eye on Steph but quietly discuss Dino’s final preparation before he left tomorrow.

“David’s got a good team together and I’m bringing in my Panama guys.  We’re going in early morning, take out the group and back home before you can say ‘Semper Fi’.”

“Goodo.  I’ll be hooked in and monitoring your progress once Steph’s asleep.  Dunno if I can convince her to take something that’ll help keep her asleep, but that’s my plan for now.”

“I’ll contact you as soon as we’re out.  Are you gonna tell Steph once we’re done?”

“I want to.  I want her to know that at least part of it is completely over.  That those fucks paid for what they did to her.  Not sure though.  Don’t wanna do more harm than good, you know?”

“Yeah, I hear ya.  Maybe a story for when you’re both old and gray.”

“Yeah?  You might be right.  And will you be chasing all the nurses about the home or will some sheila make an honest bloke out of you by then?”

Dino took a deep breath and said seriously, though in his usual way, “Maybe I’ll become an old softy like you and have a broad I can fuck regularly.”

“You never know, Dino.  You might like it.”

“Yeah?  We’ll see.  Maybe after you propose to the princess, I’ll start looking.”

Terry chuckled.  “Wanna be a bachelor for my bachelor party, do ya?”

“So it is a foregone conclusion for you!  Thought so.  You bought anything yet?”

“As a matter of fact I have.  Nothin’ overly serious.  Except the price tag.”

Dino laughed.  “That’s the way it’s supposed to be, pal o’ mine.  Okay, I’ll stop by on my way to the airport tomorrow and say goodbye.  Right now though, I’ve got a kitten waiting for me who needs some serious hot beef injections.”

“You know, you are – ”

“Really off, I know.”  Dino and Terry laughed together and then ended their call.

The afternoon turned into evening and Steph and Terry made dinner together, following Maggie’s very firm instructions written on a note they found on the fridge.  Stephanie was quiet throughout, though Terry caught her wiping tears away now and then.  He would hold her then, letting her cry.  He wanted to tell her about Dino’s plans but still wasn’t sure he should.  When dinner was finished, they moved to the living room and put in a movie to watch, though neither paid too much attention to it.  Stephanie crawled onto Terry’s lap about halfway through, weeping softly.  When Terry asked her what was making her so sad, she answered with a question.

“Will we go see my apartment sometime?” she whispered softly.

“When you feel ready and if Dan thinks it’s a good idea, yes, luv.”

“I was so lonely there, T.  I want to say goodbye to it.”

“Reckon that’s a good thing then.  We’ll ask next week, okie dokie?”

“Okie dokie,” she answered with a soft giggle.

“You feelin’ a little better, luv?”

“A little.  It’s just so much, so much to know.  I feel like I can’t deal with all of it and then I look at you and I think I can.”

“Good.  You keep on thinkin’ that, Steph, because it’s true.  I’ll always be here for you, babygirl and I always will help you deal with anything.”  Terry smoothed one hand along her cheek up into her hair, pulling her to him for a long kiss.  Gentle and sweet but filled with so much emotion he could feel her heart begin beating in time with his, a heavy beat that was steady and sure.  His lips caressed hers, their tongues would meet and part, her hands moved along his neck as his slid down her back.  The only thing he wasn’t sure of was if he could take her to his bed and make love to her.  But he knew he wanted to if she did.  His cock was beginning to thicken behind his fly and he felt sure she could feel it.

They broke apart eventually, looking into each other’s eyes and Steph’s were dark and stormy.  Terry couldn’t tear his away from hers, he wanted her so much, he didn’t want to miss the signal, should it come.

She caressed his cheek.  “T… I don’t understand how you could want me.  I need to understand that.  Even after knowing all I’ve been through, knowing you know now, you still want me.  I don’t understand that.  You want to be inside me, you want to love me and I don’t understand how you can.”

“Because, Steph… Because I love you.  I care about was has happened to you and will happen to you.  I care about making you happy and I see the happiness in your eyes when I make love to you and I want to see that all the time.  And… I need you.  I need someone who will love me too.  And I can see that you do.  All the past, for both of us, that’s our past.  Everyone has one.  But you and I… We can handle our pasts as bad as they are because we’ve been to terrible places and come out the other side and now… Well, now we can do it together, because now we have each other and we’ll never let go.”

Stephanie digested that for a long while and then kissed him again.  “Make love to me, T.  I want you inside me, I want to feel you come inside me and I want to be yours.  That’s all I’ll ever need to make me happy.  Knowing I can be yours.”

Terry grinned.  He picked her up and left everything as it was in the rest of the flat and carried her back into his bedroom to forget about life for awhile.

Clothes made their way to the floor, their bodies made their way beneath the sheets and his hands made their way all over her skin.  She reciprocated when he’d let her but his main focus was getting her to make those noises he loved so dearly.  The sighs, the whimpers, the sudden surprised cries and his favourite of all, the little “oh-oh-oh” just before she came.  When at last he thrust into her, his cock completely soaked in her juices, she grabbed hold of him with her arms and legs and demanded he come for her.  Their hips moved together, the simple and instinctive back and forth motion that made the friction inside her almost too pleasurable to bear for both of them.

“Come in me, T,” she said again and he smiled.

“You first, one more, with me,” he panted in her ear and she nodded, riding his cock heatedly.

He got lost in the sensations and drove into her hard and fast, holding her close, pressing her leg against her chest and thrusting for all he was worth.  She screamed as she came around him, crushing his cock inside her and he exploded deep within her, his seed spurting from him in pulse after pulse as he filled her up with everything he had.

At last he was able to slow then stop, collapsing on top of her.  They panted together for long moments, trying to come back to each other, trying to just breathe.

“I love you, Terence Thorne,” she whispered softly in his ear.

“I love you, Stephanie Jasper,” he replied and kissed her gently.

They kissed and cuddled the evening into night.  They made love again when the kisses weren’t enough.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms, sated and happy.

Chapter Seventeen