This is a work of fiction, using characters from the film, “Proof of Life”.  No insult or invasion of privacy or infringement of copyright is intended. The story is for readers over the age of 18 only, and contains adult language. The writer is not responsible for any "discomfort" caused to the reader by this language and these situations.

Full Length Of The River

©2008 by: Darrin

Chapter Eleven

Stephanie made it through the night with only two wake ups.  Terry quieted her each time with gentle kisses and whispers, reminding her who she was and where.  It occurred to him that they’d both accepted that they would become intimate almost from the start and that now it wasn’t so much impatience as it was that Terry could feel she was becoming ready.  His musings the night before now made more sense to him.  As was his habit, he was trying to organize and prepare but for something he had no control over.  When Stephanie was ready she’d know it long before he did and he’d have to simply accept that.

He hated not knowing, not being able to control.  But his love for Steph was far more important.  And like Dino always chided him, “Let go, man.  Enjoy the ride.”

He woke up unusually early, before Maggie had arrived, finding himself holding Stephanie in his intimate way, but this time didn’t change his position.  Just kissed her temple gently and watched her sleep.  When he was sure she would sleep longer, he extricated himself from her and wrote a note telling her he was in the shower and would be right back.  Just then he heard Maggie enter his flat to his relief and added to the note that Maggie was in the kitchen.

After showering and dressing in polo shirt and jeans, he returned to peek in on Steph and found her bed empty then realized the shower was running next to her room and upon going to the kitchen and finding it empty, knew that Maggie was helping her.  He grinned, wishing he’d gone for his morning run.  Maybe after her appointment today they could shop for a bike and could start exercising together as soon as she’d recovered from the D&C tomorrow.

The two women emerged, Stephanie dressed in a blouse and jeans and sandals again, her long hair still damp.  Terry went over and kissed her softly, catching Maggie’s smile as she passed by them into the kitchen.  Soon pancakes were on the griddle and Terry and Steph enjoyed their brekkie soon after.  Then it was time to head downtown to Dr Gennero’s office.

In the cab, Stephanie’s hand made its way into Terry’s and she snuggled closer, seemingly without realizing she was doing it.

“What do you suppose he wants to talk to me about?” she asked, even though Terry knew she knew the answer.

“Oh, I don’t know, luv.  Probably how you’re coping now and maybe some probing to see if you can remember anything from before.”  He paused for a moment and then said, “Do you remember anything from before you were kidnapped?”

She shook her head with a sigh.  “Sometimes it’s like it’s almost within my reach and then it goes away.  It’s like my life began that night in the pool.”  They sat silently for a moment as Terry tightened his hold on her hand and kissed the top of her head.

“We’ll ask him if you can go visit your employer, the bloke who reported you missing to the FBI and maybe that’ll help.”

“Why would my employer report me missing though?  Isn’t that odd?  I must not have any family.  No one missed me but my job.  That’s strange, isn’t it?  I don’t have any friends or family.  I must have been a very lonely person.”

“Maybe you’d just moved here, sweetheart,” Terry offered, knowing that after a month of being gone, someone else should have missed her unless she was truly all alone.

“Maybe.  But then there’d be another report, right?  From wherever I’d left?”

Terry smiled.  She’d figured it out already too.  “Yes, that’s true.  Well, whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter because now you’ve got me and Dino and Maggie and we’ll never let you be alone again.”

That got him a giggling smile and another snuggle as the taxi arrived at the office building where Dr Gennero had his offices.  They headed up to the fifth floor and entered the office a few minutes before Stephanie’s appointment time.  Terry filled out more paperwork, the many blank spaces making Stephanie sigh again.

“We just don’t know anything about me, do we?” she said softly, just as a tall, pleasant-looking man entered the waiting room.

“Ms Jasper, Mr Thorne?  I’m Dr Gennero, you can call me Dan.  Would you come on back, please?  You can leave the paperwork with my secretary.”

Once they were settled in the office, Dr Gennero got right to business.  “Now, I’ve talked with Ben in California and he’s forwarded your file to me, so I have some background.  But I think to start we should talk about how you’re doing now so I can evaluate your situation and we can go from there.”  He smiled and Terry was struck by how gentle his smile was and was happy to see Stephanie completely at ease in the chair next to him.  “So… How are you?”

Stephanie looked at Terry and Terry smiled and gestured for her to answer Dan, wanting to chuckle that she’d look to him first.  She looked so small in the chair and Terry saw a small shadow pass over her eyes and suddenly didn’t want to be there.  Didn’t want either of them to be there.  Maybe she didn’t need to remember all the horrors she’d survived.  Maybe he could just hide her away with him for the rest of their lives and make love to her as much as possible and keep her safe from everything.  A pipe dream, he knew.  She had to remember and get it all out of her so she could accept it and move on.  She’d told him a lot, but he knew it was just scratching the surface.  Dr Gennero needed to know if she was okay or on the edge of PTSD.  And of course, there were the nightmares.  She shouldn’t have to have those anymore.

“I’m okay, I guess.  I have nightmares every night though.  And I don’t like to be alone, but I’m better now than I was at first.  And sometimes stuff happens that reminds me of the camp and it’s like I can’t move, I’m so scared.”

“That’s all perfectly normal, Stephanie,” Dan said to her with a kind smile.  “Do you have trouble falling asleep?”

“No, I fall asleep pretty easily,” she said, a soft blush spreading across her cheeks and Terry knew that was because of him holding her.  He saw Dan look from Steph to him and raising an eyebrow.

“What are the sleeping arrangements?” Dan said pointedly to Terry.

Terry sat up a little, clearing his throat.  “I’ve been with her since I rescued her from the camp,” he stated matter-of-factly.  Dan lowered the eyebrow but just looked at Terry expectantly.  Terry recognized the move immediately and let the silence spin out for a minute before speaking further.  “She’s been too scared to be on her own and I saw no reason to force her to go through that fear when I’m available to care for her.”  He let that answer stand and it was Dan’s turn to let the silence reign for a moment or two.

When he spoke he included both of them.  “Are the two of you intimate?”  Terry could feel the word “yet” hanging there in the air.

“Not yet,” he replied softly.  He watched Dan’s eyes as they moved to Stephanie once he’d answered.  He watched her closely and then sat back in his chair.

When Terry turned to Steph, she was looking at him shyly from beneath her lashes, a small smile playing about her mouth and a twinkle in her eyes.  “Not yet,” she repeated with almost a giggle.

Dan sat forward again, now smiling at her.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman in your position react this way so soon after.  You must be taking very good care with Stephanie, Terry.”

“I’ve had some training in dealing with trauma victims.  And…” but he stopped himself from speaking further, somewhat appalled that he was about to tell a complete stranger he was falling in love with his charge.

“‘And’, Terry?” Dan wasn’t going to let that slip up go.

“And I have reason to want to keep Stephanie as well cared for as I can.”

Dan stared at him for a minute or two then nodded.  “Very well, I’m glad to hear it.  Now, I also understand that you can’t remember anything from before you were abducted?  And very little of what happened in the camp itself?”

Stephanie shook her head but didn’t offer anything more.  Terry spoke up.  “We were wondering if it’s advisable to take her to her former employer to see if we could spark some memories.”

Dan looked down at Stephanie’s folder in front of him.  “Um… Graydon & Associates… Any idea what kind of company they are?”

“I looked them up online.  They’re an architectural firm on Seventh.”

“And I see here it was the senior partner who called in Stephanie’s disappearance.  So assuming you were on a two week vacation, it appears he contacted the FBI after the required forty-eight hours from when you should have returned to work.  You must be fairly high up in the organization for the senior partner to call,” Dan mused.  “Well, I think that would definitely be a good place to start.  Just take care, if you feel scared or overwhelmed then call me and I’ll help as I can.  Under normal circumstances, returning memories can be a little traumatic but these are not normal circumstances and we want to keep you from any more trauma as best we can.”  Dan turned to Terry.  “Hopefully you’ll be able to get a home address and from there perhaps there’ll be full restoration.”

“That’s what I’m hoping for,” Terry agreed.

“Well, I think what would be best, Stephanie, is to make myself available to you on an as-needed basis.  Your recovery is well on its way already and I think as long as the two of you take things slow and you communicate with each other completely, there will only be the nightmares that will cause problems.”  Dan wrote on a prescription pad as he continued, “This is a ’scrip for a very mild sedative.  You don’t have to take it but if you’re having trouble sleeping, you might be grateful to have them in the house.”  He reached for one of his business cards and wrote on the back.  “This is a number you can reach me at any time, day or night.  Please don’t hesitate to use it.  PTSD can have unpredictable permutations and I can help talk you through them.”  He handed Stephanie the card.  “Now, Terry, I hope you won’t mind, but I’d like to talk to Stephanie alone for a few minutes.  Is that okay with you, Stephanie?”

Steph’s eyes got huge and she stared at first Dan and then Terry.

“S’okay, luv.  I’ll just be right outside.  You knew Dan might want to talk to you by yourself, right?”

Stephanie nodded slowly and Terry got up, kissed her cheek and stepped out into the waiting room once again.  Long minutes passed and his curiosity raged.  He assumed Dan was making sure Stephanie was okay with the living and sleeping arrangements and his involvement with her.  He hadn’t said no, so Terry could only hope that he was merely making sure that Stephanie was in agreement and that he, Terry, wasn’t forcing himself on her.

About ten minutes later, Stephanie and Dan emerged from his office and she ran to Terry, grabbing his hand and smiling up at him.  “So, that went well, then?” Terry said with a chuckle and a caress to her cheek.

“Uh huh!” Steph replied.  Well, something has her happy, Terry thought to himself, grinning at Dan.

Dan smiled back.  “Okay, I’ll wait to hear from you.  Make an appointment with my secretary for a follow-up in a month if it turns out everything goes well on your own.  We can always change it if you want to meet earlier for any reason.  It was good meeting you both.”  Dan shook each of their hands and returned to his office.  Terry made the appointment and then he and Stephanie went downstairs to catch a cab.

“So where to, Princess?  We’ve got the rest of the day to ourselves.  We’ll have to eat dinner early since you can’t have anything per your pre-op procedures, so are you hungry now?  Maybe a snack?  We could take a walk in Central Park and get a pretzel.”

“That sounds like fun!” Steph declared and Terry found himself burning to know what they’d talked about that had her so… gleeful, it seemed.

Pushing his curiosity aside with difficulty, Terry took her hand and hailed a cab.  He directed the cabbie to take them to Central Park and then settled back with an arm around Stephanie.  Steph snuggled close and it was the way she did it, with almost complete abandon that finally made Terry give up the fight with his curiosity.

“So… luv.  Uh… What did you and Dan talk about, can you say?”

Stephanie looked up at him, her eyes shining.  “He said you’d ask eventually,” she said with a giggle, then rested her head on his shoulder.  “He asked me if I was okay with you being with me all the time, asked if I was ‘comfortable’,” she made the little quotes gesture, giggling, “with you being in bed with me and I said of course I was, I wouldn’t have gotten through any of the nights without you.  He smiled at that and said it was good that I had someone so trustworthy.  I didn’t understand what he meant at first then realized.”  This came with a blush she ducked her head to keep him from seeing but he saw anyway.  “Then he asked how I felt about you and I told him that you were the only man I cared about in all the world and he said that was good because you were falling in love with me and I said good because I was too.”

Terry sat completely flabbergasted.  Then laughed out loud.  “Wow… Well, I didn’t think I could tell you.  I didn’t want you worried about it or… I dunno, I just figured I’d better wait.”

Stephanie sat up and grinned at him.  “So it’s true?”

Terry nodded, cupping her cheek against his palm.  “Yes, luv.  It is.”  Then he drew her closer and kissed her mouth.  Stephanie let him kiss her just as he wanted, his hands on her cheek and hip as before, his tongue entering her mouth and letting his passion grow.  When he felt his cock twitch in his jeans, he pulled back, both of them panting.  “Jesus, Steph… I want…”  He was about to tell her that his body was actually aching to be inside her but knew he simply couldn’t burden her with that.  So he took a deep breath and smiled at her, unable to speak.

Stephanie raised her eyes to his, looking scared but trusting.  “I want to, too, T.  I just… I imagine us together and I get so scared and I know you won’t hurt me, but all these memories keep rushing through me and I think I’ll make it so bad for both of us being this scared and then I think maybe if we did… maybe it’d be okay, I’d stop being so scared and we could get past this.  But – But I need to be rid of these… men.  I need tomorrow.  I need that and then I think I can need you.”

“I know, Steph.  I want you to be ready, to want me too.  I can wait.”  He pulled her to him again, this time to just brush his lips against hers.  “I can wait as long as you need, babygirl.”

The gratitude in her eyes made his heart pound.  The cab came to a stop and Terry paid the fare and then hand in hand they headed into the Park.  They passed by a couple, one jogging the other riding a bike in pace with the jogger and Terry mentioned he’d like to get her a bike today so they could do the same after she recovered.  Steph thought that was a great idea and so they decided to forego the pretzel and headed to FAO Schwarz on the other side of the Park.

Inside, he laughed as he watched her eyes grow bigger than he’d ever seen them as she went from display to display, completely enchanted.  He just followed, letting her stop and enjoy whatever caught her fancy.  When they finally got upstairs to the “big piano” he had to work very hard not to just sit and laugh.  The kid who was playing, invited her to join him and soon he and the small crowd were being regaled with Chopsticks just like in the movie.  After the applause once they’d finished, Steph ran to him, breathlessly blushing.

“I can’t believe I did that!” she giggled at him.

Terry held her close and they headed back downstairs for a couple of sundaes before going to the bottom floor to check on bikes.  After making sure it was a good fit, Terry made the purchase and they left the store.  Between the two of them they managed to walk the bike back to Terry’s apartment.

He rearranged a few things in the entryway and hung the bike on the wall for easy access and they made the plan that as soon as Steph was okay to ride, they’d get back to Terry’s morning routine and include Steph in it.

Terry decided that they’d save seeing her employer for after she was recovered from the procedure tomorrow.  Steph seemed fine with that, though Terry wasn’t sure that was such a good thing.  She didn’t seem curious at all about her past.  He made a mental note to keep Dan’s number handy in case something manifested itself.  Suppression was never good, he knew that.

Terry ordered a huge Chinese meal for them, reminding her it would be her last meal of the day, so she needed to eat a lot.  While they ate, Terry worked on his laptop, finding a bunch of emails Dino had forwarded.  Stephanie watched television quietly, munching on noodles and rice.  When she’d eaten to bursting, she fetched her journal and wrote for awhile until the sun was well down and Terry closed his laptop.

They decided on a movie and snuggled together on the sofa.  Terry wasn’t surprised to find her asleep when it ended.  He carried her to her bedroom and changed her bandages after undressing her, then got her into her pjs.  She woke briefly a few times to help, but was pretty much exhausted from the overly long day.

He contemplated letting her sleep alone but she let out a small whimper just then and he knew he’d need to stay with her.  He then thought about bringing her to his room.  They’d be sleeping together as a couple soon… But then he smiled to himself and decided he’d treat it like something more on a romantic note for their first night together.  That felt right.  He quickly got ready for sleep and got into bed behind her and she sighed as his hand encircled her waist.

His dreams were of a much more pleasant variety than Stephanie’s.  He wished he could give her his as he held her and whispered to her that she was okay.  He knew that part of the reason she was still having these nightmares had to be because she wasn’t remembering everything.  He fell asleep wishing she could but oddly dreading when she would.  That made no sense to him but he was fully asleep before he could analyze that thought.

In the morning they woke together again, this time Terry was on his back and Stephanie was sprawled across him.  When she looked up at him, she was blushing a deep red and he realized he was making a hell of a pup tent thanks to his own dreams.

“Sorry, luv,” he muttered, chuckling a little at her consternation.  He could smell coffee brewing and was damned glad he’d be able to get Maggie to help her get ready for the day while he had his own shower.

As the water fell over his body, he found himself not even thinking about it except for pleasant thoughts of soon being able to have the real thing, his Stephanie, naked in his bed, their bodies meshed together as they should be, joining with her as he longed to and showing her she no longer needed to be afraid of anything.  He would love her and protect her.  As he brought himself to climax, he came so hard his hips jerked forward and he growled out a moan that surprised him a little.  Resting one hand against the shower wall, he breathed deeply until his heart rate slowed and found he was not quite as satisfied as he’d have like to have been.  But he’d been truthful with Stephanie.  He’d wait until she was ready.  But he did hope it would be soon.

After a cup of coffee for himself, they said goodbye to Maggie and, bear in hand, Stephanie and Terry hailed a cab for the hospital.  It was a very short trip followed by an even shorter check in and soon Terry found himself once more sitting in a hospital room, Stephanie in the bed next to him.  She was holding onto the bear so tightly, he could see her knuckles grow white.

Terry took her hand and smiled.  “Nothing to worry about, luv.  Everything’s going to go smoothly and then I get to take you home and feed you.  Dino’s gonna come over and we’ll get to watch another shoot ‘em up movie and you’ll get waited on hand and foot.  Pretty good, huh?”

Steph nodded, but the gleefully happy girl from yesterday was gone for now.  She looked scared, not as scared as he’d seen her, but she was definitely feeling lost.  When the nurse came in to prep her, Terry had to hold her hands and whisper to her to keep her calm.  Dr Daniels came in after that and explained the procedure to them both, assuring Steph she’d be just fine and that Terry would be able to come into the recovery room and be there when she woke up.

When it came time to wheel her to the OR, Terry found the real cause of her fear.  He’d have to let go of her to go into a very scary situation on her own.

“T… please…” she whispered as they approached the doors.

He caressed her cheek as they paused outside the room.  “I’m sorry, sweetheart.  You have to be brave for me.  Dr Daniels will take real good care of you, you know that.  And I’m going to be right here waiting for you, I’ll be the first thing you see when you wake up, okay?”  Stephanie shook her head, bottom lip trembling and tears rolling down her cheeks.  “Please, babygirl, it just has to be this way.”  He bent close to her ear and whispered, “Just think about what this will mean for us, that I’ll get to take you to bed with me and love you.  Hold you and kiss you and tell you everything in my heart.  And I’m going to make you feel so good, luv.  I promise.  I’m going give you what no one else ever has.  And you and I will be together, making me the happiest man in the world.”  He kissed her temple and looked down at her and saw the slightest of nods.  “That’s my brave sheila.  I love you,” and he kissed her, then watched them wheel her into the OR as she tilted her head to keep her eyes on him as long as she could.

Christ, I just told a sheila I love her, he thought, his heart pounding wildly in his chest.

And then realized that even despite his being married before, he truly meant it for the first time in his life.

Dino was gonna have a field day with this.

Chapter Twelve