This is a work of fiction, using characters from the film, “Proof of Life”.  No insult or invasion of privacy or infringement of copyright is intended. The story is for readers over the age of 18 only, and contains adult language. The writer is not responsible for any "discomfort" caused to the reader by this language and these situations.

Full Length Of The River

©2008 by: Darrin

Chapter Ten

Excerpt from Stephanie’s Journal

“…and I think I really like it, but it scares me too.  This morning, it felt like that’s how we should always be, him holding me like that and I know he wants to have sex with me and I want it too, but that only lasts for a second and then I feel so dirty and used and I think if he touches me that way I’ll start screaming even though I don’t want to, it’s like when the memories come back and I know I don’t have to be scared, that it’s not happening now, that it’s over, I just… I fall into it like it IS happening again and I start screaming.  Like the nightmares.  They’re so real.  I’m so tired of being afraid.  I think if I could just get past it, like one time then they’d be gone and I wouldn’t be afraid.  Not as much anyway.  But how horrible for T to have to be with someone who’s cringing as he’s touching her?  I would just like to kiss him and see if I could without screaming.  How do I ask for that though?”

~*~

During the afternoon as it slipped into evening, Stephanie wrote and Terry dozed in and out to the sound of her pen gliding across the paper.  When it stopped, he opened his eyes to find her smiling at him.

“Hey, luv.  All finished?”

Stephanie nodded shyly, a blush creeping across her face making Terry wonder what she’d written.  Just then his cell rang and he answered, still smiling at her.  It was the agent he’d left the voice mail for and the two men talked about the information Stephanie had revealed at the doctor’s office.  The agent definitely felt it was a major break and promised to get back to Terry or Dino as soon as he’d worked through the lead Steph had provided.

During the phone conversation, Terry had gotten off Stephanie’s bed and wandered around the room.  As he closed his phone, he saw Steph hadn’t moved, just watched him from where she sat at her desk, her journal still open to the page she’d finished writing.  Terry saw her blush again and close the book, a subtle but clear indicator that he wasn’t to know what she’d written.  And while he did want to know, he knew too that it was very important she have something very completely hers.  He smiled at her, she smiled back and for a strange reason Terry couldn’t fathom, they stared at each other, Terry feeling like she was trying to communicate something to him, something he felt was important that he really needed to know, to the point where he felt compelled to ask.

“What is it, sweetheart?  What do you need?”

Her cheeks went a deep crimson, but there was a stubborn set to her eyes and for a brief moment Terry saw that strength of will he’d contemplated she must have had to survive her ordeal.  So he spoke again, encouraging her.

“Tell me, Steph.  Whatever it is, if I can, I’ll get it for you.”

She stood up and approached him, standing in front of him far too closely to simply be asking him a question.  Her eyes went to his mouth and stayed there, briefly, before moving up to his eyes.  Then she shook her head and started to take a step back from him but he caught her hand.

“I can do that,” he whispered and tipped her chin up gently.

He felt her breathing increase as he bent to gently capture her top lip between his lips, softly kissing it, then pulled back and smiled as their eyes met briefly.  But he wasn’t done by a long shot.  His hands went to her face as he pulled her in, now taking her bottom lip and repeating the action.  His hands filled themselves with her dark hair as he alternated between her top and bottom lips, kissing them tenderly with only the very slowest increase in passion with each capture of her mouth with his.  When he felt her hands slide up his forearms, he dropped one hand down her back to rest on her hip, bringing her trembling body against his.

He wanted more, so much more, but he knew he had to go slow.  He pulled back again, this time gauging her reaction.  Was the experiment a success?  Over?  Or did she want more too?  Her eyes were half closed and he felt rather than saw her lean in towards him as he almost broke off.  So instead, he moved his other hand to the back of her neck and kissed her again, this time adding the slightest pressure of his tongue against her lips and she opened up to him, engaging his tongue with hers.  Now it was Terry’s heart that was beating a mile a minute in conjunction with hers.  Part of him knew this was just a kiss, there wouldn’t be more, not now anyway, but the rest of him was just wallowing in the sheer joy of answering one of his needs with hers.  He steeled himself against wanting to caress her entire body against his, satisfying himself with small movements of his fingers against the skin of her neck.  His hand on her hip slipped beneath her top to caress the skin there, but went no further.

When her hands made their way around his neck though, all bets were off.  He held her close and the kiss dove into a far more passionate one, causing her to whimper.  He kept his presence of mind to not kiss her as a prelude to foreplay, but couldn’t stop his hand from smoothing down her back to parallel the other at her opposite hip and tighten his hold on her body just that little bit more.  He knew he was getting hard, though and therefore needed to stop soon, before she got scared.  He could still feel how much she was trembling and how hard her heart was beating.

So with a slow cool down, he finally pulled back from her and they stared at each other again.

“I didn’t get scared,” she whispered.

“No,” he answered, smiling at her.

“I… I just…”

Terry put a finger gently on her mouth.  “You don’t have to explain, sweetheart.  It’s okay.  I said I’d wait for you and I will.  I know you’re still scared, but I know you trust me and I know I can make it good for you.  We’ll be patient though.”

Stephanie smiled at him, blushing still, but Terry could see an abundant amount of self-confidence rushing through her eyes.  It was fascinating to watch the transformation.  She was becoming herself and Terry found that he was liking this girl even more than the terrified sheila he’d rescued.  Wanted to get to know her and be with her for a very long time.

There was a loud knock and then a boisterous entry by a soon-to-be-dead red-haired goblin that ended the intimate moment and made both Stephanie and Terry laugh, though Terry could tell by the look in her eyes for very different reasons.

“Anybody fuckin’ home?!  I’ve got beer, pizza, a shoot ‘em up action movie with a shitload of bullets and one gorgeous auburn-haired stewardess who decided to join us!”

Terry caressed Stephanie’s cheek and she nodded to him.  He took her hand and they left her room to greet Dino and his date.

“Ah, THERE they are!  See, Laurie?  I told you I wasn’t kidding.”

Laurie laughed at Dino and shook Terry’s hand as he offered it.  “Dino said you’d ordered him to bring pizza and a movie so I decided to tag along and see what K&R boys do on their nights off.”

Terry laughed in response, feeling Stephanie shrink against him, her hand tightening in his.  This was definitely a two steps forward, one back day for her and Terry sighed inwardly, letting her reaction stand.  When she raised a hand and waved at Laurie coming out a little from behind his shoulder, that made him relax.

“All right, ya bastard, you better have gotten the good beer!”  Dino held up the twelve pack of Shiner Bock and Terry grinned.  Between the four of them, they managed plates, napkins and getting the movie into the DVD player before collapsing on Terry’s humongous couch.

Steph hadn’t said a word through it all, but smiled shyly at Laurie when she’d say something directly to her.  Dino got a bright smile too, but no words.  Terry was getting concerned until he saw her touching her lips with her fingers when she thought no one was looking.  She was still dealing with the kiss.  Well, that was more than okay as far as Terry was concerned.  Dino and Laurie thankfully picked up on Terry’s silent request to let Stephanie’s behaviour be and movie night got underway.

Terry was only able to half concentrate on the film, though.  His own mind was racing to catch up to what had happened today.  It all felt too fast.  Less than a week ago she was holed up in a dank hut being used and abused by several pathetic excuses for men.  Terry knew many victims took weeks, even months to recuperate to a point of being able to return to their lives.  But he also knew of a few who simply took it in stride and while recovering were able to go about the business of living without any adverse affects on their mental stability.  Was Stephanie one of those people?  Was she coping and returning at the same time?  Certainly that would be complicated by her inability to remember what she was returning to.  Maybe that explained the odd way in which this was all happening.

From a purely selfish point of view, Terry was glad.  He wasn’t sure what might have happened tonight if Dino hadn’t arrived with Laurie right at that moment.  Would he have kissed Stephanie again?  Would he have pressed his advantage until she’d let him do more?  He knew his powers of persuasion were honed to an art and had used them on more than one occasion to talk a sheila into bed.  Would he have unconsciously done that with Stephanie?  He hoped not.  What he felt for her was far more important than a quick fuck to satisfy and move onto the next thing.  Be fair, Thorne, it’d be much more than a ‘quick fuck’, he admonished himself.  Well, sure, he knew he would care for her and would make love to her to the absolute best of his ability so she’d never think of those fucks again.  But he didn’t want to talk her into it.  He wanted her to know exactly what she wanted.  Like the kiss.  She’d asked for it.  He wasn’t sure how he knew that, but he knew it.  She had asked him to kiss her as surely as if she’d spoken the request out loud.  And he wanted to know it was her idea when the time came to make that more than just a kiss.

He felt a kick to the bottom of his shoe and looked over at Dino next to him on the couch with Laurie tucked romantically under his arm, hand just millimeters from where it would be if they were alone.  Stephanie was similarly tucked under Terry’s arm, but in a much more platonic manner.  They held one of those wordless conversations that concluded with, “It’ll have to wait,” from Terry.  Dino grabbed the remote, paused the movie and declared it was time for popcorn.

“You girls sit tight, we’ll be back in four minutes,” he said as he got up and Terry knew he’d been summoned.

As they left the living room he heard Laurie ask Stephanie how she was enjoying the movie and heard Stephanie’s shy reply and his shoulders dropped in relief.  In the kitchen he pointedly ignored Dino and set about making two bowls of popcorn.

In a very hushed but insistent whisper, Dino spoke finally.  “Don’t ignore me you bastard, I can tell something happened between you and my Princess and I want to know what!”

“Oh, she’s your Princess, is she?” Terry replied, enjoying making Dino wait for gossip.

“Damn right.  Now spill it or so help me I’ll make you come back to work and you can leave her with Maggie!”

Terry laughed that that was the threat Dino came up with.  “Okay, Jesus, you’re worse than old woman when it comes to wanting to gossip.  We… shared a kiss.  A nice little moment that was interrupted by your bloody arse showing up when it did, I might add.”

“Aw man, you mean you two were necking when we arrived?  Shit!”  Terry wasn’t sure if that “Shit!” was because he’d ruined the moment or had missed seeing it.  Then he was surprised to see Dino turn serious.  “Look, Terry, don’t you dare let your fucking hormones hurt this girl.  Slow down already.  It’s barely been four days since she was in the camp, for fuck’s sake.”

“I know that, don’t you think I know that?  Jesus, Dino!”

Dino stared at him for a minute.  “Okay, I can see that you do.  I’m just, well, I feel like we’re still protecting her from something.”

“You feel that too, huh?  It’s bloody weird, isn’t it?  Like there’s still something coming down the pike.  Maybe because she hasn’t remembered her past yet.”

The microwave dinged and Terry emptied the bag into two bowls, one for each couple.

“Yeah, maybe so,” Dino agreed and then the conversation was put on hold as they returned to the living room.

Stephanie was smiling still and Terry grinned back at her.  He fought the sudden urge to pick her up and carry her back to his room and instead sat down, tucking his arm around her again and kissing the top of her head.  Dino started the movie going and they let their attention return to the telly.

By evening’s end the twelve pack had been all but consumed, Stephanie had relaxed enough to converse with Laurie much more easily and Terry felt it had been a good day all round, despite the trauma in the doctor’s office.  Tomorrow they’d begin her therapy and he felt confident that they’d be able to take full strides forward without any back.  Dino called a cab to take him and Laurie back to his apartment to “continue their afternoon’s activities with candlelight,” and Laurie blushed along with Stephanie as Terry and Dino shared a ribald chuckle.

A little while later, Terry and Stephanie were alone again.

“Did you have fun, baby girl?” Terry asked non-chalantly as they picked up the remains of their pizza and popcorn dinner.

“Yes.  Laurie’s very good for Dino.  She’s funny.”

“Yes she is.  Bet that bastard doesn’t spend minute one in the office until she has to get back on a plane.”

Stephanie giggled and nodded.  “He’s very naughty,” she added.

Terry turned to Steph where they’d ended up in the kitchen and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.  “Yeah, he is,” Terry chuckled.  Then changed the subject.  “So everything… okay?  You know, from earlier?”

Steph’s cheeks reddened and she ducked her head.  “Yes.  I… I’m glad I didn’t get scared.  I think I must be getting better.”  She looked up at Terry and he suddenly saw her eyes get that strange faraway look in them he’d seen every now and then.  “Not that there was a whole lot of kissing in the camp.  Mostly they just wanted to… to… f-fuck me.”  Her eyebrows knit together and the far-off look became haunted.  “And one of them… He always wanted to beat me first.  Like… Like it turned him on… And one liked to get me high first.  I don’t know what he gave me…  But it scared me, more than getting whipped.  But… But one of th-them… He… he would f-feed m-me and b-be n-nice t-to m-me and… t-tell m-me I could g-go home soon but th-then… he’d tie m-me up and f-fuck me with whatever he h-had available and then j-jerk off standing o-over me and I hated him the most, he made me believe it would be over soon and it wasn’t, it was going to go on until I died there and I was… I was going to die there, I had accepted it, I knew it was going to happen and then… then…”

Terry had stood stock still as she’d spoken, astounded she could get it all out and not collapse but he saw when she was about to and he pulled her into his arms and finished for her.  “And then I found you, luv.  Me and Dino.  We found you and took you away from them because those arseholes are the ones that are going to die.  As soon as we find them again, as soon as we get ALL of them, we’re going to take care of them and they will never do this to another human being.”

Stephanie listened to him, bottom lip quivering and nodded when he’d finished, holding it together for a few seconds longer and then burst into tears, burying her head against his chest.  Terry lifted her up and smiled as her legs went familiarly around his middle and he walked them back out to the living room, sitting down onto one of the armchairs and shh’ing her but letting her cry.

“That’s it, luv.  Let it all go.  It’s over, you don’t need to be afraid anymore.  That’s my sweet sheila…”  He stroked her hair and caressed her back and just let her be.

It was maybe a half hour or more before she finally calmed down and Terry realized she was sleeping, breathing evenly, her head on his chest her little hand curled under her chin, black lashes laying on her tear-stained cheeks.

Terry picked her up gently and carried her back to her room, laying her on her stomach and pushing her blouse up so he could change her bandages.  The welts were looking much better, she was definitely on the mend.  He realized he’d have to wake her for her meds Dino had brought from the pharmacist, but for now he just turned her gently and opened up her shirt to change her burn dressings.  He now had a much clearer picture of what had happened to her and was willing to bet it was the “nice” one who had burned her.

He put all the supplies away and went to fetch her meds and a glass of water.

When he returned to her room, her bed was empty and he could hear her whimpers coming from under her desk.  He walked over calmly and crouched down near to where she was curled up, knees against her chest and rocking, looking so scared he thought they were back on the Lear for the briefest of seconds.  At least she isn’t screaming, he thought, sighing.

“Stephanie, I’m back, sweetheart.  I had to get your meds.  Did you have a bad dream?”  Her eyes were staring into his but he suddenly realized she was still asleep.  He put the glass of water and pill bottle down and took her hand gently.  “Come home with me, Stephanie.  Come on, don’t stay there, come be with me.  I’ll take care of you, I promise.”

Stephanie’s eyes went wider and then she blinked, looking around suddenly, very disoriented.  “Wh-wh-where…”

“In my flat, Steph.  You’re safe with me in my flat.”

“Y-yes,” she replied with a small nod but still made no move to come out from under the desk.

“Need you to take your meds, okay, baby girl?  Come out and come to bed?”

She looked around and it finally seemed to sink in where she was and she crawled out slowly.  She took the pills Terry held out to her and drank the water to help swallow them.  Then stood there, unsure what to do next.

“Do you want to change in the bathroom?”

“Oh...” Stephanie went to the drawer and pulled out her pajamas and then turned to Terry.  “I didn’t scream,” she said softly.

“No, you didn’t,” Terry said with a smile.

“You think that’s a good sign?”

“Yes, I do.”

“But… I still… I’m still afraid…”

“I know, sweetheart.  I’m not going anywhere.”

That got him a relieved smile.  “I’ll change in here.  It’s not like you haven’t seen me already,” she said matter-of-factly and started undoing her clothes.

Terry had no idea what was going on, it was as if she was forcing herself to deal with her fear.  He wondered if this was how she had handled it at the camp and that maybe talking about it a little had brought her back to that numb state she appeared to be in now.  He didn’t think it was good for her and made a note to tell Doc Gennero tomorrow.  For now, he’d let her cope as she needed to and hold her while she slept… He hoped like fuck that she wasn’t doing this in some strange need not to keep screaming or crying when she got afraid because she thought she needed to for him.

He decided to see how she’d react to him leaving her alone for a bit.  “I just need to change in my room, okay, luv?  I’m right across the hall.”

Her eyes flickered with fear and then he saw her make a concerted effort to push it aside.  “O…Okay.”

“Would you like to come with me?”

“If… If you want me to.”

“Steph, you don’t have to hide your fear from me.  If you’re scared, I’d much rather you be scared than push it away like you’re not allowed to be scared.  I want you to feel what you need to feel.”  He watched as she wrestled with that for a minute or two then she sat down heavily on the bed.

“It… It was the dream.  It was real.  It was so real and… I can’t describe it.  But you didn’t want me to be afraid anymore but you were mad about it.”

“Steph, that’s just plain not true.  I don’t know where the dream came from but I could no sooner be mad at you about what you’re going through than I could blame myself for it having happened to you in the first place.”  Terry sat down next to her.  “Please, luv.  Please just be you.  That’s who I want to see.  Stephanie Jasper.”

“O-okay.  But she gets scared a lot.”

Terry pulled her to him and kissed the top of her head.  “I know.  And I’m going to protect her.  Okay?”

“Okay,” Steph whispered.

A short while later they were both ready for bed and Terry crawled in behind her as she settled into her bed.  His arm went around her waist and he kissed her temple.

He wanted to make love to her so bad, it was a very real ache in his loins.  He felt if he could do that, she’d feel so much more sure that he loved her and would be able to stop adding to her fears instead of losing them.

He suddenly realized what he’d just thought.  But it was true.  He did love her.  He was as certain of that now as he was of his own name.

Chapter Eleven